Henry Cavill Is Superman: Man of Steel

Most of you already knew that, but below is the first publicity image released by Warner Brothers (which owns DC Comics) for their upcoming film Man of Steel, which is a revamp of the Superman franchise (another one), which hopefully will not retell the Superman story AGAIN, like Amazing Spider-Man appears to retell the Spider-Man legend (do we really need to see Spider-Man get bit by a radioactive spider AGAIN?).  Which brings me to the subject of all the goddamn Brits taking iconic American roles (Batman, Superman, Spider-Man, etc.).  Even the bloody Green Lantern is Canadian now (Ryan Reynolds)!  Seriously?  Is there that severe of a dearth of American talent that we need to fill our roles with the denizens of Airstrip One?  I mean this in jest as I realize that something like twenty percent of the people that visit this horrible blog are Britons, but I hope you guys can understand how an American must feel to have all of these roles snapped up by Brits for no apparent reason at all.  That reminds me, even Thor is Australian!  (via Topless Robot)

Henry Cavill is Superman.  Click to enlarge.

The Marriage of Mike Tindall and Zara Phillips

The wedding of English rugger Mike Tindall and granddaughter of Queen Elizabeth II Zara Phillips was almost completely overshadowed by the presence of the Duchess of Cambridge.  People are talking about her hat, people are talking about the color of her dress: basically people can't seem to shut up about Kate Middleton.  But I have taken a fancy to Zara and Mike so let me quickly say congrats to them.  They seem thoroughly modern and down to Earth (including jacked up pommie teeth and a broken nose) and I love them for it!  Congrats, guys!  Keep wearing blue jeans.

Can't you fade into the background for ONE social event?

Prince Harry and Mike Tindall Get Cozy at Harry's Polo Meet

"Hold me, Mike."  Getty Images

Alright, this is three days old, but I'm just hearing about it so here goes.  On the 19th, Prince Harry's cousin Zara Phillips and her fiance, rugger Mike Tindall, attended one of Harry's polo meets with a bunch of their friends.  It was refreshing to see blue-blooded elite hanging out like ordinary people and having a laugh with their also very ordinary friends, yadda, yadda, yadda, but check out how close Harry and Mike were getting on the polo field.  Is Harry... um... moving on from the vapid and empty-headed Chelsea Davy to his future in-law Mike?  Obviously not, but it's fun to speculate.  Prince Harry seems like the much more fun and interesting prince, at least in comparison to the white bread/balding Prince William.  Alright, here I go on a tangent, but it seems like it was perfect timing for Prince William to marry Kate Middleton now that he has no appeal as a handsome bachelor as he, basically, is no longer handsome.  If Prince William were able to hold on to his looks for a little while longer you could bet bottom dollar that he would not be married right now.  The British Royal PR machine would still be selling Prince William magazines, coasters, bumper stickers, etc. if you could not see Orion at midnight on his scalp.  You can argue with me, but I know I'm right so don't bother.

"Don't let go."

"Oh, Mike.  You know how I do fancy being tickled!"

Catching Up With MTV UK's Geordie Shore

Yes, this guy is still called "Gaz"

I almost forgot this show was still on, but stumbling upon a photograph of Snooki looking depressed on dlisted reminded me that there was a show about drunken guys and gals more unintelligible and with even lower IQs than the guidos and guidettes of Jersey Shore.  As a reminder, Geordie Shore follows six or seven (honestly, this show is so laughable that I can't keep track) Newcastle natives as they bar hop from one hot spot to another, not unlike their Jersey counterparts.  The show is available for American viewers to watch on MTV UK, and I would recommend watching at least one episode so that you shake yourself free of the idea that stupid people only live in the States because, frankly, there are even stupider people elsewhere.  I watched the fourth episode of Geordie Shore and it is patently useless to recap what happened as the characters are not only difficult to understand, but they don't do anything but drink and go round and round to the same clubs like some sort of surreal hormone-infused carnival ride.

Jay and Gaz in deep thought: "Hmmm... Tash, Bang, or Swill?"

Now That William's Hitched, Royal Publicists Push Prince Harry To The Forefront

Also known as "Prince Hot Ginge" (thanks for that, dlisted), Prince Henry of Wales has found himself pushed to the forefront of royal headlines now that his elder brother, the Duke of Cambridge, is off the market (and balding).  To be fair, there have always been royal watchers with a special eye for Harry, but it seems that William has fallen off the radar for the most part and Harry has stepped in to the place that his brother occupied formerly.  Now that Harry is getting so much more attention, let's hope that he finds a more suitable girlfriend than the dim-witted Chelsea Davy, and does not make the mistake (again) of wearing Nazi attire to fancy dress parties.  (via The Daily Mail)

Prince Harry on the polo field.

Prince William, the Duke of Cambridge, still hasn't resolved his balding situation.

The royal brothers in polo attire.

Human Barbie Gives 7-Year-Old Daughter Breast Implant Voucher For Birthday

Sarah Burge and daughter Poppy.  The bodies of the children that were not quite perfect enough are stuffed into the closets in back.

What do you give the 7-year-old that has everything?  You give the gift of insecurity, of course!  The gift that keeps on giving.  Fifty-year-old Sarah Burge told Closer magazine that she gave her daughter, Poppy, a "voucher" for breast implants when the child turns sixteen, among other gifts (including a spa vacation, according to dlisted).  Ms. Burge herself has made it known that she's spent over $100,000 to resemble a Barbie doll, and she apparently makes her living throwing swingers parties and writing erotic fiction.  There's nothing wrong with writing erotica, but it would be rather egregious if the stories in question all involve Ken and Barbie, creations sans genitalia.  Thankfully, Ms. Burge is not American; she lives in Cambridgeshire, England, and Poppy, supposedly, is already the envy of all of her friends in their home town.  No surprise there.  This scenario is reminiscent of the mother of the cool high schooler in Mean Girls, who allowed her daughter to drink and have sex at the house just so she could be the cool MILF in her daughter's clique.   It goes without saying that entrusting the care of a child to a woman as vain as this virtually ensures that Poppy will grow up to be a looks-obsessed young woman along the lines of a Heidi Montag, but as the actions of Ms. Burge are not against the law, there's little that can be done.  Should the story of Sarah Burge and Poppy be interpreted as the malign influence of American culture on the world?  Can we blame America for cultural activities occurring in the United Kingdom?  Is there anything wrong with promising a 7-year-old two bouncy bags of silicone strapped to her chest when she turns sixteen?  Does censuring Ms. Burge prevent Poppy from being exposed to the constant sexualization of young women in the media?  You be the judge!  (via dlisted)

Poppy seems really excited about filling out that red bra one day

David Beckham Cleaned Up Nicely For the Royal Wedding

Way to pull out the win, Beckham.  Not a tattoo in sight.  Wouldn't want to give the Queen a fright.  I think I just rhymed.  Sweet!

I wish he would have put the top hat on.

Alex Pettyfer Rips Hollywood A New One, Needs BFF

"I get a free pass because I'm gorgeous.  Right???"  Images: Mario Testino/VMAN

Alex Pettyfer, a former child actor who has achieved fame for several movies (most recently I Am Number Four), has few kind words (alright: no kind words) to say about Hollywood and the L.A. acting scene in an interview he recently gave to VMAN magazine.  The 21-year old actor calls L.A. "socially disgusting", pointing out that the women in the town are particularly disgusting.  He says that his goal is essentially to make a few blockbusters and then retire to Paris like Johnny Depp (after selling his soul, I presume).  Then, for some reason, he reveals that he has a tattoo above his... ahem... pubic area... that says "Thank You".  (I do believe it is considered proper to thank the person that has just given you a BJ)  Classy guy.  Listen, he's young.  He's pissed off.  Not really sure what he's pissed off about.  Maybe he realized that Dianna Agron of Glee was just dating him because her agent said it would be good publicity.  Who knows?  But it's not very wise to go on rants like these before you've made your mark in the industry.  Even people like Mel Gibson, Russell Brand, or Jonathan Rhys-Meyers cannot go on these kinds of rants without repercussions.  This is just the sort of thing you keep to yourself, my friend.  You are in serious need of a BFF to unload on.  Anyone willing to take on the job of Alex Pettyfer's BFF?  (via Daily Mail)

That tattoo supposedly says "Thank You"... and I don't know why he's wearing two pairs of underwear.

Introducing the Geordie Shore: The UK's Version Of The Jersey Shore

Alright, I totally had to look up what "Geordie" referred to and it apparently refers to a resident of the north-east of England (in the Newcastle and Northumberland area).  Attempting to capitalize on the fame of The Jersey Shore, the producers of The Geordie Shore have found a cast of vapid, tanned, and buxom young people to live in a house and... get drunk and act stoopid, I suppose.  Based on the preview, this show seems to lack the edge that Jersey Shore has (which is about a very specific demographic of young Italian Americans), but who knows? Perhaps the show will appeal to the Brits like The Only Way Is Essex has.

Drop Off Your Loved One's Body, Then Go See The Walking Dead

Whoops.  Someone just lost their job.

Being A Princess Isn't Easy

I never said it was!  Geez!

Princess Anne Tells Future Son-In-Law Mike Tindall To "Get His Nose Sorted"

...before the wedding.  According to the Daily Mail, Queen Elizabeth's only daughter Princess Anne told her future son-in-law, English rugby star Mike Tindall, "to get his nose sorted before the wedding".  Mike Tindall is set to marry Zara Phillips, granddaughter of the Queen, this spring.  As discerned from the photograph below, the 32-year old Mr. Tindall has quite the crooked nose due to nearly two decades of rugby playing.  I don't know.  Often times a crooked nose adds character to a face but that nose defies description.  According to the rag, it sounds like Tindall has no intentions of heeding the advice, despite the protestations of his mother-in-law.  It seems he believes the lady doth "protest too much".

Mike Tindall's nose has lots of... erm... character?

Prince William and Kate Middleton's Royal Invitation

William and Kate's weddign invitation has hit the net for all of us to drool over.  No, I wasn't invited.  But if I were, I think I would wear a "lounge suit".  Sounds fun!

Anchor Gets On Air Revenge

...by insulting her co-anchor's manhood.  This is just SO good.  (via Daily What)