The Marriage of Mike Tindall and Zara Phillips

The wedding of English rugger Mike Tindall and granddaughter of Queen Elizabeth II Zara Phillips was almost completely overshadowed by the presence of the Duchess of Cambridge.  People are talking about her hat, people are talking about the color of her dress: basically people can't seem to shut up about Kate Middleton.  But I have taken a fancy to Zara and Mike so let me quickly say congrats to them.  They seem thoroughly modern and down to Earth (including jacked up pommie teeth and a broken nose) and I love them for it!  Congrats, guys!  Keep wearing blue jeans.

Can't you fade into the background for ONE social event?

Only Days After Slutting It Up With Prince William, Jennifer Lopez Announces Divorce

Actually, I was very surprised when I heard this news.  Somehow, I thought that "Jenny from the Block" Jennifer Lopez and chronically-malnourished Mark Anthony would last, but that was only because I was forgetting quite how disreputable J. Lo is.  In fact, it isn't surprising that J. Lo and Mark are getting divorced now since Jenny was seen only two days ago to virtually bulldoze celebrities out of the way to get some quality time with the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (AKA Prince William and the former Kate Middleton) during their stopover in Los Angeles as part of their tour of North America.  dlisted (I get all of my news from dlisted now) quoted Mary-Louise Parker (via People) as saying (in response to the question of whether or not she had the opportunity to meet the Duke and Duchess):

"I didn't meet them.  I was shoved out of the way by Jennifer Lopez.  Uh oh.  I shouldn't have said that."

No, Mary-Louise Parker, you shouldn't have.  Don't you know she's called "Jenny from the Block"?  Don't you know what she could do to you?  I mean, if she were to wrap her thighs around the back of your head and rest her buttocks on your neck, you wouldn't last two minutes.  Or if she were to call Jesus and Lupe or one of her other goons from the Bronx...  It's not looking good for you.  Anyways, people are saying that J. Lo was too good for Mark, or that Mark was just a rebound guy after Ben Affleck, or that Mark was jealous of the resurgence of her career.... Yadda, yadda, yadda.  It's all bullshit IMHO.  Mark Anthony is no question more talented than J. Lo, albeit less famous, and (I hate to say this), but when the woman is more successful than the man, that's as much a problem with the woman (thinking she can now do better) than it is with the man (just watch the historic documentary: The Human Animal!).  Now that J. Lo is looking hotter than ever, her face is on TV, and she has the twins she wanted, Mark Anthony is no longer necessary.  Frankly, I think Mark Anthony is a decent looking guy and he can go back to the Miss Universe that J. Lo stole him from.  Keep your head up, Mark!

"Why, yes, Jennifer!  Your navel looks terrific in that dress and the green accentuates your backside.  I agree entirely!  Kate?  Kate, help!"

Kate Middleton Wears Hat In Canada and Prince William's Hairline Is Improving

Hair abounds on the pates of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge

In case you were wondering (be honest), it looks like Prince William, now known as the Duke of Cambridge, may have invested in a hair transplant as his hair seems fuller than it did in the days and weeks leading up to his spring wedding to Kate Middleton, now the Duchess of Cambridge.  The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were in the Great White North for Canada Day (in which everyone that does not live in an igloo thanks their lucky stars that they are not Canadian), among the more notable events of which was the hat that Kate wore.  Also notable were the rather ridiculous groupies that always manage to find themselves at such events as these.  I sincerely hope that Will and Kate did not see the poster below, in which Kate is sort of a hybrid of Julia Louis Dreyfus and Melinda Gates.

Let's be thankful that Will and Kate DO NOT look like this.

Prince William and Prince Harry Get Fitted For Their Royal Wedding Uniforms

Prince William, now the Duke of Cambridge, and Prince Harry get fitted by the tailors for Prince William's wedding to Kate Middleton.  Prince Harry is on the right.

Prince Harry is totally checking himself out in the mirror.  Or maybe he's thinking, when do I get my own dukedom?

David Beckham Cleaned Up Nicely For the Royal Wedding

Way to pull out the win, Beckham.  Not a tattoo in sight.  Wouldn't want to give the Queen a fright.  I think I just rhymed.  Sweet!

I wish he would have put the top hat on.

You are Cordially Invited To The Royal Wedding

I sincerely hope the right guests of honor have been invited.

I hope I don't have to point out what the problem is here.

Prince William and Kate Middleton's Royal Invitation

William and Kate's weddign invitation has hit the net for all of us to drool over.  No, I wasn't invited.  But if I were, I think I would wear a "lounge suit".  Sounds fun!