Nicole Kidman Is Australian Barbie

...in a pair of 50s era stripper heels.  Seriously, this has to be the best Nicole Kidman has ever looked (other than the scene in Far and Away where she returns to her castle with tussled red curls falling from her brow after an hour of vigorous horse riding, which I can only assume was a substitute for masturbation among 1890s aristocratic ladies.  Yes, I have seen that film many, many times, mostly so I can mock Tom Cruise's paltry attempt at an Irish accent).  Somehow, the makeup artists on the set of The Paperboy managed to cake Nicole's entire body in enough orange makeup to cover up her obvious sun damage, giving her the appearance of a randy, bow-legged Barbie.  She even has hair extensions to boot, which only means that there are now dozens of bald little girls running through the streets of Dhaka, Bangalore, and Mumbai (their hair would have to be dyed blond, of course).  Let's hope Nicole has all the necessary parts beneath those shorty shorts.  The girl looks good, but it appears that she's having a hard time walking in the two-sizes-too-large heels.  Let's hope Nicole does not fall and break a hip because you know at her age one has to worry about osteoporosis.  (via dlisted)

"I'm still recovering from my last batch of plastic surgeries.  My publicist says my fans want me to look more human.  How the f*ck do I do that?!"