Captain America Denies Steroid Abuse

Actually, the funniest part of this is Namor: The Sub-Mariner in his green scaly panties.  This is freaking hysterical and timed perfectly with the release of Captain America: The First Avenger!  (via Topless Robot)

Nicole Kidman Is Australian Barbie

...in a pair of 50s era stripper heels.  Seriously, this has to be the best Nicole Kidman has ever looked (other than the scene in Far and Away where she returns to her castle with tussled red curls falling from her brow after an hour of vigorous horse riding, which I can only assume was a substitute for masturbation among 1890s aristocratic ladies.  Yes, I have seen that film many, many times, mostly so I can mock Tom Cruise's paltry attempt at an Irish accent).  Somehow, the makeup artists on the set of The Paperboy managed to cake Nicole's entire body in enough orange makeup to cover up her obvious sun damage, giving her the appearance of a randy, bow-legged Barbie.  She even has hair extensions to boot, which only means that there are now dozens of bald little girls running through the streets of Dhaka, Bangalore, and Mumbai (their hair would have to be dyed blond, of course).  Let's hope Nicole has all the necessary parts beneath those shorty shorts.  The girl looks good, but it appears that she's having a hard time walking in the two-sizes-too-large heels.  Let's hope Nicole does not fall and break a hip because you know at her age one has to worry about osteoporosis.  (via dlisted)

"I'm still recovering from my last batch of plastic surgeries.  My publicist says my fans want me to look more human.  How the f*ck do I do that?!"

Henry Cavill Is Superman: Man of Steel

Most of you already knew that, but below is the first publicity image released by Warner Brothers (which owns DC Comics) for their upcoming film Man of Steel, which is a revamp of the Superman franchise (another one), which hopefully will not retell the Superman story AGAIN, like Amazing Spider-Man appears to retell the Spider-Man legend (do we really need to see Spider-Man get bit by a radioactive spider AGAIN?).  Which brings me to the subject of all the goddamn Brits taking iconic American roles (Batman, Superman, Spider-Man, etc.).  Even the bloody Green Lantern is Canadian now (Ryan Reynolds)!  Seriously?  Is there that severe of a dearth of American talent that we need to fill our roles with the denizens of Airstrip One?  I mean this in jest as I realize that something like twenty percent of the people that visit this horrible blog are Britons, but I hope you guys can understand how an American must feel to have all of these roles snapped up by Brits for no apparent reason at all.  That reminds me, even Thor is Australian!  (via Topless Robot)

Henry Cavill is Superman.  Click to enlarge.

Robot Movie of the Week: Captain America: The First Avenger (July 24 - July 30)

Images courtesy of Paramount Pictures/Marvel Studios

Captain America: The First Avenger is the highly-anticipated latest installment in the onslaught of Marvel Comics-themed movies, of which there have been at least three in the last two months (Thor, X-Men: First Class, and now, Captain America).  Interestingly, before viewing this film I witnessed a preview for The Amazing Spider-Man (the supposed reinterpretation of the Spider-Man franchise, which frankly does not require a reinterpretation/revamp) and I went into Captain America with a face full of scowl, prepared to not only regret dishing out 13 bucks (yes, $13 USD) to see the film, but also to fall asleep as I had been informed when I purchased the ticket that the film was two hours and nineteen minutes long.  In particular, I was irritated that the new director (and screenwriters) of The Amazing Spider-Man felt the need to retell how Peter Parker became Spider-Man, and also felt the need to recast Uncle Ben and Aunt May, but that's a story for a different day.  Let's go back to me being irritated about dishing out so much cash for what I was sure would be a terrible film.  In fact, I left more pleased with the film than I had been with Thor (mostly because I went into that film expecting a heck of a lot from Kenneth Branagh, and ended up with almost a Disney-esque feature), but I still sort of regretted paying that much to see a film: any film.  Indeed, Captain America lived up to all of its expectations.

The present film is not the only film adaptation of the iconic American hero.  I vividly recall seeing the late 70s Captain America film - starring former college football star Reb Brown (who also infamously starred in Howling II: Your Sister Is A Werewolf) on the Sci-Fi Channel, which in my memory has melded with the other Captain America film that was released in the 80s, if I remember correctly.  It goes without saying that prior interpretations of this character set the bar for the present film low, at least in terms of surpassing its predecessors, but conversely, it placed the makers of the present film in an awkward position in which they might feel compelled to blow the ball out of the park with the present film in order to prove that Captain America: The First Avenger was not a fool's errand, but a viable film with room for sequels.  To jump ahead a bit, Captain America is being used as a lead-in for the future Avengers film, which unfortunately imbues the film with an irritating commercial aspect that one should quickly forget.  As we all know, Captain America stars Chris Evans (of Fantastic Four fame), Hugo Weaving, and Tommy Lee Jones.  It also stars stunning British actress Hayley Atwell who I remember very well for her performance in the film version of Brideshead Revisited.

Captain America: The First Avenger is, in many ways, the predictable midsummer family film that critics were anticipating, but it manages to acquire a welcoming quality that makes it more than just the standard fare.  Where Thor was gimmicky and unoriginal with characters that fell flat in the likability category, Captain America manages to successfully tap into the American's love for the underdog to create a memorable film.  Did the film need to be more than two hours long?  Obviously not.  We're talking about a comic book movie here, not Citizen Kane, but they are not painful hours.  Captain America is the tale of "never-say-never" Brooklyn-native Steve Rogers, and his seemingly endless quest to join the American army in the early 1940s, in spite of incessant rejection because of his status as the ubiquitous 90-lb weakling of the era.  A German scientist comes along and takes a liking to Steve and cajoles him into participating in a super-soldier program. It turns out that the application of the program back in Germany by a mad officer named Johan Schmidt leads to the creation of Red Skull, the villain of the film.  Steve is transformed into an American super-soldier called Captain America (clearly) and after a stint as a propagandist for the American military, manages to see action on the European continent.  Meanwhile, Steve has fallen in love with a straight-forward British agent in America service called Officer Carter (played by Atwell); in the end, their love for one another never reaches its natural culmination as Steve ends up trapped in ice for nearly seventy years in a successful attempt to neutralize Red Skull's secret weapon.  This unrequited love and the feelings it inspires (along with the acting) is conceptually the strongest aspect of the film for me.

It goes without saying that there are no robots in Captain America: The First Avenger (this IS a robot blog) and there are not even characters that can be said to conceptually be construed as robots, but I can tackle the issue of pesky American propaganda.  It's interesting.  Even Captain America (though without my cynicism) seems to find the tours that he is roped into performing annoying and the implication that the objectives of the politicians are distinct from the visible message of the tours, that implication is there.  So what does Captain America represent?  He represents freedom and the American way.  In actuality, he represents American strength.  The puny Steve Rogers is transformed from the weak man he once was into someone strong enough to impose the will of the nation he serves on others.  Captain America doesn't go on propaganda tours in Europe to convince Europeans to overthrow their fascist governments and adopt an American form of democracy.  He uses his physical strength to beat up bad guys, neutralize bombs, and restore civil and economic order.  In spite of his derision at being used as propaganda, Captain America as a character, is walking propaganda and it is impossible to dissociate him from that.  Although very predictable, Captain America: The First Avenger was entertaining, and notable for better acting (nice job, Chris Evans) than what one usually encounters in these sorts of films; it is recommended to comic fans everywhere.

Kellan Lutz Uses Brain Power For New Abbot + Main Fashion Line

What do you mean you didn't realize Kellan Lutz had a brain?  Of course he does.  It takes brain power to transform your body from a doughy porridge-like consistency (which is what I am assuming it was when he was a kid) to a work of art that looks as if it was chiseled by the hands of Classical Greek sculptor Lysippus.  It also takes a brain at least as large as a grasshopper's to know when to change your hair color from Marilyn Monroe bottle blond to Sasha Fierce auburn.  Obviously, this kid is very intelligent.  Well, it looks like Mr. Lutz is putting his brain to good use by collaborating with designer Danny Guez on a new fashion line called Abbot + Main, which sounds like something that will be sold exclusively at Target, right next to the Hanes pajama bottoms.  And if you were wondering about the innovative styles to be featured by Abbot + Main, the line will feature an exclusive collection of white t-shirts, blue jeans, and cotton sweaters... items of clothing which cannot be obtained anywhere else.  [Correction: The photos below are actually shots from Danny Guez's Dylan George line, see the next post].  And if you were in need of an update about Kellan Lutz's upcoming film Immortals, it is in post-production and set for a release in November!  That gives Kellan about four months to finish filling in the pictures in his Spider-Man coloring book.  Stay within the lines, Kellan.  Stay within the lines.

"You didn't know I knew how to put on a shirt, did you?  It took me about ten minutes to put this one on."

"I think I'll just sit back and watch the money rake in from my new line of white cotton t-shirts."

"I'm waiting for Christian Slater.  Actually, I'm saving myself for him.  Christian, buddy, where are you?"

"Wait, didn't we already do this?"

New James Franco Rise of the Apes Teaser Trailer Is Here!

In case you were wondering how James "I'm The Modern-Day Renassiance Man" Franco's Rise of the Apes film was coming along (the attempt to revive the Planet of the Apes franchise), there is a new teaser trailer out: released just in time for Comic Con!  Actually, Mr. Franco is not in this trailer (probably because he's too busy wiping his paint-covered penis across a canvas in a vain attempt to win a MacArthur Genius Award), but we do get to see a bunch of CGI'ed apes destroy cars and toss people off of bridges and stuff.  Sweet!  (via Topless Robot)

The Superman Returns Footage You Never Saw

...and which reportedly cost $10 million to make, according to Topless Robot.  This footage apparently ended up on the cutting room floor (and the finished film still ended up being almost three hours).  May I come out and say that this is extremely freakin' awesome without looking like a complete dweeb?  Basically, it's just Brandon Routh as Superman returning to Earth in a giant crystal IUD space ship.  I actually loved Brandon Routh's Superman, even though Routh has to be the dullest human being on Earth.  He is, let's face it, pretty close to the perfect physical specimen and one has to give him props for that.  Watch before it gets deleted!  (via Topless Robot)

Emma Watson And The Gay Porn Star That Loved Her... And Penises

In keeping with my usual honesty, I have to come out and say that I have not sat through a single Harry Potter movie (if you exclude the first half an hour of the first film, which you should totally exclude since that doesn't really count), nor have I read any of the books (does JK Rowling really need my money?  Really?  Methinks not).  But I do have the sense that the release of the final installment of the Harry Potter franchise is kind of a big deal.  I also know that there is a spicy/sassy character named Hermione and that in the gay porn version, Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer's Balls, Hermione's character is played by a... ahem... gentleman... called Cameron Adams, which I am assuming is a porn alias, although it does not have the typical gay porn ring to it (last name as a first name) as Cameron is a not uncommonly used first name here in the States.  In any event, Emma Watson, who plays Hermione, and Cameron Adams, who plays Himmione Grainghim, met at last month's MTV awards and both look fairly happy in the pic, which tells me that Emma does not realize who Cameron is OR her year or two at Brown has had the desired effect and she just doesn't give a sh*t.  (via mrmonroe via thedailywhat)

"Escandalo!" says the Asian chick in the back.

Don't Be Another Statistic / Don't Dress Up Like Slave Leia

Words to live by.  Thanks, Kaley Cuocco and Nerd Machine.

The Muppets Trailer Is Here!

...and it's awesome!  For me, my favorite part of the Muppets (other than the unspoken feelings between Bert and Ernie) has always been the way they bounce when they walk.  This trailer seriously made my day.  Enjoy!

Robot Movie of the Week: Jennifer's Body (June 5 - June 11)

Images courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox

Alright, clearly I have run out of interesting robot-themed movies to review (or at least, I am still too timid to attack science fiction leviathans like Blade Runner and Metropolis), and have now resorted to reviewing films currently playing or those that are, at the very least, interesting enough to merit a thorough treatment by an amateur.  Jennifer's Body was released in 2009 and was a film that had every reason to be a blockbuster: it starred sexbot Megan Fox (then at the peak of her popularity), it was written by Juno's own Diablo Cody, and it had a plot perfectly poised to capture the imagination of the ultimate film target demographic: men and women aged 17-40.  But the film flopped, bringing in only about $31 million at theaters (though this was enough to recoup the $16 million required to release the film).

Megan Fox fills out the role of Jennifer nicely.

Jennifer's Body received poor reviews from Roger Ebert  (who called it Twilight for boys) and others, and was poorly advertised nationwide prior to its release.  Perhaps 20th Century Fox did not have enough faith in the film to market it as fully as it deserved.  Frankly, I have to disagree with Mr. Ebert on this one (as usual, actually).  Jennifer's Body is clearly a film that is marketed towards young women, not young men as he postulates; Roger seems to base his statement about the target audience on the starring role of Megan Fox, without realizing that young women are just as enthusiastic about the larger-than-life beauty of the actress as young men are.  Ebert may also be basing his statement on the strong element of sexual desire in the film, but the way the subject is handled is more characteristic of films for women as there is very little actual sex shown (as compared to Basic Instinct, for example).  In addition to Megan Fox, Jennifer's Body stars Amanda Seyfried, Adam Brody, John Simmons, and J.K. Simmons.

Jennifer is sacrificed to Satan by Low Shoulder and its lead singer (played by Adam Brody)

Jennifer Check (Fox) is the stereotypical small town cheerleader: she is equipped with a killer body, a primal ability to attract the men and women in a two or three mile radius, and is followed around by a nerdy sidekick in the form of her childhood friend Needy (Seyfried).  The contrasts between Jennifer and Needy are immediately apparent and more subtle differences become apparent later on the film.  Jennifer is overtly sexual, both in appearance and demeanor, while Needy is thoughtful, modest, and retiring.  If Jennifer and Needy had not been friends since they were children, it would be difficult to understand why they hang out in their last year of high school; indeed, it seems that Jennifer allows Needy to fill the role of homely friend/admirer and enjoys belittling her.  In fact, Jennifer is not all that she seems to be.  In spite of the sexual conquests she claims, Jennifer may actually be a virgin, which makes her the perfect target for a young indie band called Low Shoulder that Jennifer and Needy come across in a bar.  Jennifer develops an immediate attraction to Low Shoulder's lead singer (played by Brody) and when he invites her to ride in the band's van, after the bar suspiciously burns down (killing most of the diners inside), she agrees.

In spite of her geeky appearance, Needy actually has a healthy sex life with her boyfriend.  Seyfried really shines in this role.  She sort of gives off the air of the sexy librarian who would be stunning if she she just took off her glasses and put some time into doing her hair.

Jennifer later reveals to Needy that she was brutally sacrificed to Satan by the members of Low Shoulder, but only after Needy notices that there's something not quite right about her.  Jennifer shows up at Needy's home looking battered and bruised, and in the ensuing days after the tragedy of the bar fire, the corpses of several boys at school begin to surface.  Jennifer tells Needy that after she was "sacrificed" a spirit took over her body and filled her with the desire to kill young men, like those that murdered her.  The element of surreal humor, present throughout the film, dictates that Needy, although surprised by the announcement, does not do anything about it right away.  Matters change when Jennifer decides to go after Needy's boyfriend Chip at the prom.  Needy discovers Jennifer feeding on Chip and a brawl ensues.  Chip dies as a result of the attack, but Needy shows up later at Jennifer's house and kills her in her bed.  The murder is witnessed by Jennifer's mother and Needy ends up locked away in a psychiatric hospital, presumably also being accused of the deaths of the boys at school.  The film ends with Needy telling the viewer that she gained some of Jennifer's powers after she killed ger as she levitates out of her cell and escapes from captivity.  She announces her intentions of seeking out Low Shoulder to an ill-intentioned trucker that picks her up, hitchhiking on the road.

Possessed by an evil spirit, Jennifer commits random acts of deviltry, like burning her tongue with a lighter.

Diablo Cody and Karyn Kusama (the director of the film), have made it clear that Jennifer's Body was created with strong feminist overtones.  Jennifer, in fact, has the feel of a more sinister, modern day version of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, and this is a role for which Megan Fox is perfectly suited.  The strongest aspect of the film is the nightmarish quality of its early stages: the sudden fire in the bar, the grotesque deaths of the patrons, the devilish nature of Low Shoulder's lead singer, the monstrous appearance of Jennifer after her transformation.  The unexpected nature of these early events keep the viewer riveted to their seat; but the film begins to collapse as it progresses.  It takes a detour from modern-day "camp" and dissolves into the tangled and hackneyed forest of teenage horror film.  The overtly-sexualized Jennifer is contrasted with Needy who, though plain in appearance, actually has what appears to be a healthy sexual relationship with her boyfriend, Chip.  Jennifer's sexual nature perhaps is what causes her to be transformed into a succubus-type creature by the hellish spirit that takes over her body, and it, perhaps, is meaningful that Jennifer, in the end, is killed by the more sedate Needy.  Is the point that Needy is what Woman should be and that creatures like Jennifer (created by the lustful designs of men) merit destruction?  It is possible.  The story does not fully explore this concept as much as it deserves, but the film is entertaining enough, though it leaves the viewer feeling incomplete and somewhat disappointed.  The strength of the beginning of the film heightens this sense of disappointment, as the surreal and creative nature of the film gives way to the standard horror fare, but I would still recommend Jennifer's Body to anyone with an offbeat sense of humor (or some free time on their hands).

Unfortunately, Needy's boyfriend, Chip, becomes Jennifer's last victim.

Robot Movie of the Week: Priest (May 29 - June 4)

Images courtesy of Screen Gems

I had been looking forward to viewing Priest since I first heard about it in February.  The plot was compelling: based on a Korean graphic novel, Priest told the tale of warrior clerics in an alternate universe in which vampires roamed the Earth, and most of the land has been scorched in war.  The story was somewhat reminiscent of the much-maligned Judge Dredd, but the supernatural element in Priest seemed perfectly suited for where the market is today (thanks to the cultural phenomenon that is Twilight), and assuming that the action was on par with the plot, there was no reason why this film should not have been a blockbuster in theaters.  When I learned that the release of the film had actually been pushed back to 2011 from 2010, my suspicions should have been raised, but I kept my hopes alive.  The previews that I had seen presented the film in the most favorable light possible.  The color scheme was Underworld-esque, the action moves along the lines of The Matrix, and there was an ensemble cast to boot.  So where does Priest go wrong?  Terribly, terribly wrong?  Priest is a film so rife with wasted possibilities that it is practically the embodiment of an 80s child star.  The strongest aspect of the film is the cast, but not much can be done with a lackluster script.  Priest stars Paul Bettany, Cam Gigandet, Karl Urban, Christopher Plummer, Maggie Q, and Madchen Amick (who I last remember from Sleepwalkers back in 1992).

Paul Bettany stars in the title role

Priest takes place in an alternate universe labored under centuries of war between humans and vampires bent on the destruction of mankind.  The war has recently been concluded, leaving the class of warriors whose only function is to fight the vampires - the priests - out of work, depressed, and listless.  Frankly, they all seem to have gradations of PTSD.  Paul Bettany's character, known only as Priest, learns that the vampires (who had previously been confined to "reservations") have returned to the surface and abducted his niece.  Priest teams up with Hicks (played by Cam Gigandet), disobeys a direct order from his commander, and goes after his niece's abductors.  It turns out that a former priest (played by Karl Urban) that had been lost during a battle with the vampires has returned as a vampire himself.  In the timeline of Priest, the vampires are eyeless monsters, not the pale, seductive characters that most of us are used to.  Karl Urban's character becomes the first "human vampire" after being converted by the queen of a vampire hive and he kidnaps the girl to lure Priest into joining him.  The film concludes with the inevitable showdown between Bettany and Urban's characters.

Hong Kong star Maggie Q plays a supporting role

Priest strikes the viewer as an unsuccessful adaptation of the comic book it's based on.  Priest poses a particular problem because the source material (a Korean graphic novel) is unlikely to be recognizable to an American audience (as contrasted with Spider-Man or Batman).  This means that the screenwriter/director is responsible for making the film accessible to the viewer.  The primary problem in this endeavor is that calling the villains "vampires" and presenting them as hideous and monstrous creatures completely unlike what someone would think of when they picture a "vampire" causes the film to lose its allure as a "vampire film".  Indeed, Priest is not a vampire film at all.  In reality, it is an uninspired retelling of Underworld without Kate Beckinsale.  Priest wastes several opportunities: (1) the dynamic of a totalitarian state ruled by Catholic clerics is unexplored, (2) the mystique of vampires pitted against priests is ignored, and (3) the effects of warrior priests suddenly put out of work is glossed over.  These are interesting points because they almost set up Priest for a remake in the next 10-15 years, much like Judge Dredd has been tossed around for retelling since the first rendition was sub-par.  In spite of the strong trailers, Priest is boring, predictable, and uninspired.  The script seems hastily written; for example, only one or two characters in the entire film are given names.   Priest is not quite as egregious as Judge Dredd (which I have defended in the past), but it comes close.

Cam Gigandet stars as the sheriff who ropes Priest into rescuing his girlfriend

The familiars look more like vampires than the actual "vampires"

Robot Movie of the Week: Battle: Los Angeles (May 22 - May 28)

Images courtesy of Columbia Pictures

Against my better judgment, I have chosen the much-maligned Battle: Los Angeles as "Robot Movie of the Week", since I appear to be the only person that actually enjoyed this film.  The fact that Battle: Los Angeles has a lower rating on IMDB.com than Kenneth Branagh's Thor is nothing less than mind-boggling to me, and proof that the average internet user is probably... ahem... a lazy-eyed crack whore.  I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course.  This will be a very short review as this film is still in theaters in many places, including most countries outside of North America, and as, in many ways, the film was rather predictable.  In spite of its flaws, Battle: Los Angeles managed to avoid the cringe-worthy moments that Thor was filled with.  Indeed, Battle: Los Angeles was pretty entertaining for a war movie, hearkening back to the classic Blackhawk Down, easily the best war film of the last fifteen years.  Battle: Los Angeles was impressive to me, because it was easy to forget who the actors were, as they seamlessly assumed the roles of their characters.  The film stars Aaron Eckhardt, Michelle Rodriguez, Ne-yo, Ramon Rodriguez, and others.  It was directed by South African director, Jonathan Liebesman.

Sgt. Nantz is played by Aaron Eckhardt

Battle: Los Angeles is supposedly based on the much-feared Japanese invasion of Los Angeles in World War II, which never actually occurred.  The film falls into the predictable pattern of "aliens invade the Earth" film that the viewer will recall from Independence Day, and the like.  Battle: Los Angeles takes a more serious, tone, however, focusing less on creating an entertaining family film, than on depicting the harsh realities of war.  The protagonist of the film, if there is one, is Sergeant Nantz, a battle-hardened lifetime military man (played by Eckhardt), who joins a new team right on the heels of an unsuccessful tour in the Middle East, in which he lost several good men.  When a meteor shower is revealed to in fact be an alien invasion, Nantz is placed on the team of a young lieutenant fresh out of officer's training (played by Ramon Rodriguez); the team is charged with making it through Santa Monica to a Marine base.  Against incredible odds, the team manages to get to the base, only to discover that they are the only surviving Marines in the area.  They are left with a unique opportunity to take down a droid control ship and open Los Angeles to air support from the Air Force.  With Nantz in control, the liberation of Los Angeles enters the realm of possibility.

The civilians were the chief downfall thematically in the film.

As mentioned above, Battle: Los Angeles is very predictable, even when it comes to the scheduled tear jerker moments.  The film might have been unwatchable if the occasional deaths of loved ones and comrades was not spaced between moments of incredible action and bravery on the part of Nantz's Marines.  In fact, what saves the film is the high quality acting.  Eckhardt and, surprisingly, Ne-yo, give quality performances while Michelle Rodriguez is her usual tough as nails, ambiguously lesbian self.  This is a great film to review, for me, because it features robots, in this case, the droids sent by the aliens to wipe out entire areas of human settlement and prepare Los Angeles (and the other cities of the world) for colonization and extraction of resources.  The viewer does not get to see much in the way of robotic detail in the film (all we see is the standard mindless killing that we might expect from a "droid"), but the nature of aliens and robots pairing together is unique.

Air support isn't possible with alien control of the air.

Robots in film are often used as the embodiment of the faceless enemy bent on the destruction of humanity and pairing them up with aliens magnifies this fear-inducing distillation of "the enemy".  A brief glimpse at what the aliens were about, as was done in the later Predator films, would have been the perfect clincher for this type of movie, but as the focus seems to have been on creating a non-stop action film, it is not surprising that this route was not taken.  The sentimental moments (the death of one of the civilians, and the death of the team's lieutenant) were excessively emotional, drawn out, and distracting, but did not detract from the overall quality of the film.  Will there be a sequel?  The open-ending denouement of the film suggests that the studio at least planned for one, but only time will tell.

The team reaches the base to discover that they are the only surviving Marines in the area.

Robot Movie of the Week: Oberst Redl (May 15 - May 21)

Copyright Orion Pictures (USA)

Oberst Redl is the product of acclaimed Hungarian director Istvan Szabo; it was released in 1985, in the last decade of Communism in Hungary, and represents a complex, sympathetic handling of a subject matter that must have been heavily biased in Cold War Eastern Europe at the time.  The film tells the tale of Albert Redl, an officer in the army of Austro-Hungarian Emperor Franz Joseph I.  The character of Redl is layered, anachronistic in his own time, and at times unlikable, but he represents the empire itself: a contradiction holding on for dear life in a time when it/he must be irrelevant, or at the very least, outdated.  Coincidentally, I happened to be reading AJP Taylor's The Habsburg Monarchy at the time that I viewed this film and the themes reinforced in the history (first published in Britain in 1948) are eerily similar to the palpable messages of the film: after 1867, Austria-Hungary was the army, as the only strand holding the heterogeneous peoples together were the facts that the individual estates happened to be ruled by the same person (Franz Joseph I) and that there was an army to demand obedience on the part of the subjects.  Oberst Redl stars Austrian heavyweight Klaus Maria Brandauer, Germans Jan Niklas and Gudrun Landgrebe, and others.  The film was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Foreign Film and won the Jury Prize at Cannes in 1985.

A young Redl spends the holidays with the Kubinyis.

Redl's life begins in a peasant village in Galicia (most of which is now Poland).  Redl is a Ruthene (a Little Russian or Ukrainian) and he may be of Jewish origin; he spends much of his life running away from his peasant origins, at times claiming to be of noble Magyar descent on his mother's side, in order to be seen as an equal to his aristocratic associates in the harsh social order of the time.  Youthful talent combined with luck contrive to find Redl a place at an important military school, where he meets Baron Kristof von Kibunyi, whom he admires for his aristocratic connections and handsome looks.  Their relationship goes beyond friendship as Redl harbors an unrequited love for his comrade.  As a Hungarian, Kibunyi regards the Habsburgs with suspicion, as he understands that the dynasty is essentially self-interested and that it must inherently be opposed to the true self-actualization of its peoples.  A native of Galicia, Redl is fiercely patriotic and the viewer repeatedly witnesses evidence of his reverence for Emperor-King Franz Joseph I.  This handling is nearly identical to the characterization of Galicians (Poles) in Taylor's history: the poorest area of the Habsburg Monarchy, the Galicians would rather be a part of a significant empire (i.e. Austria-Hungary) than the backwater, which geography had cursed them to, but they would bide their time and ally loyally with the Emperor until the time should come that a unified Poland could be reestablished.

Redl great secret, and the eventual cause of his downfall, is his attraction to men.

In essence, Redl represents the Empire: he is of heterogeneous origins (being a German-speaking Ruthene or possible Jew living in what was once Poland) and he clings to an old, militaristic past to resist the harsh realities of the present.  It is stated in the film that the Habsburg Empire was the army and Redl represents the military establishment, not least of all the ability of a common person to rise to prominence through the benefices of patronage combined with native talent.  The insincerity of this ideal (of the military as the great equalizer) becomes evident in the film through hints that Redl is despised by many of his comrades because of his possible Jewish origins, implying that a nation based on essentially outdated principles (of aristocratic privilege) could not be the forward-thinking Empire that men like Redl thought it was, or wanted it to be.  Redl's fierce loyalty to the throne must eventually go unrewarded by an establishment based on historical principles of royal/noble privilege, and reinforced by pragmatic concerns of increasing nationalism among the constituent races of the Empire.

Redl with Kathalin Kubinyi.

The reality is: Redl, a product of the artificial states (like Austria-Hungary and Russia) of the time, has no choice but to invest his talent and labor in a monarchy that treats Jews benignly.  The end of the 19th century was characterized by the rise of a very middle class nationalism, based upon historical beliefs about race and ethnicity and, before the creation of Israel, someone like Redl would likely become persona non grata in whichever state might succeed the monarchy in which he lived.  This truth is understood by the military superiors that patronize him, and they eventually reward Redl (and make convenient use of him) by placing him at the head of an intelligence gathering unit.  This promotion makes perfect sense as someone like Redl (of possibly the least important ethnic groups in the Empire: Ruthenes and Jews) is almost above the partisan, nationalist sentiments of the era.

Redl with his friend Baron von Kubinyi.

Redl is a complex character.  He would likely be classified today as "homosexual", although all of his sexual encounters in the film are with women and he has no difficulty engaging intimately with members of the fairer sex.  His inability to act out his love for Kristof von Kibunyi translates into a lifelong love affair with Kibunyi's beautiful sister Katalin.  In order to stem the tide of rumors that he is homosexual, as he is unmarried, Redl eventually marries a beautiful young woman that he does not love.  His professional life is no less complicated.  Redl not only spies for the monarchy, but uses the result of his intelligence to generate support for the imperial throne and "angst" among the army against the threat of a foreign invasion and insider treason.  Redl is forced to acknowledge how little he is valued by the establishment when he is told to find a ""doppelganger of [himself]" to accuse of treason so that the important groups within the Empire (Austrians, Hungarians, Serbs, Croats, Czechs, etc.) do not take umbrage at a public trial directed against one of their own.  Redl, the character, is reduced to an automaton, acting only as the agent for those that do not truly respect him; he plays the only role that he can play in a state as class and nationality conscious as that in which he originates.  This message is relevant as social class remains important today, although, in America at least, it is obscured by the occasional, but highly-emphasized example of individuals who manage to achieve wealth and prominence through hard work, and hidden by the ability of the super-rich in America to blend in with the rest of us.  Tangents aside, Oberst Redl is a remarkable film and it speaks well of Hungarian filmmaking and the intellectual transition away from communism, at least in my humble opinion.  Redl, as an outsider brought in to the inner circle, is the perfect foil through which to demonstrate the contemptuous nature of Austria-Hungary and states like it.  This film is highly recommended.

Kathalin Kubinyi knows that Albert loves Kristof.

Redl embodies the monarchy, or at least the multitudinous reasons why it must fail.

Lars Von Trier Admits Admiration For Hitler, Hollywood Career OVER

This Danish director is apparently proud of his Nazi heritage.

You would think that anyone working in the film industry would know enough about America to realize that the admission of racist or Anti-Semitic views is a career killer.  To be perfectly honest, Lars von Trier as a Danish filmmaker may not necessarily be completely screwed because, let's face it, Europeans are sort of hush-hush wink-wink when it comes to Anti-Semitism.  Although many European countries have Anti-Nazi and Holocaust denial laws, it seems that latent Anti-Semitism is almost accepted.  The amount of anti-Israeli invective that originates from European politicians is so severe as to be shocking to Americans that are used to sympathetic treatment of Israel.  In fact, let's face it.  If it were not for institutional Anti-Semitism in Europe dating from the Middle Ages, there may not have been a need for the modern state of Israel in the first place.   But that's another story.  What exactly did Lars von Trier say:


"I really wanted to be a Jew, and then I found out that I was really a Nazi, because, you know, my family was German. Which also gave me some pleasure. What can I say? I understand Hitler, but I think he did some wrong things, yes, absolutely. But I can see him sitting in his bunker in the end. He's not what you would call a good guy, but I understand much about him, and I sympathize with him a little bit. But come on, I'm not for the Second World War, and I'm not against Jews."


And he didn't stop there (check out the post on dlisted for more).  In any event, I am very curious to see what the result of von Trier's Anti-Semitism is.  I am also interested in knowing where the prejudice comes from.  I happen to be reading currently a history of Austria-Hungary and the point was made (by the biased English author) that people with extreme views usually have some sort of grievance (the unemployed academic, the German that loses his job to a Jewish individual, etc.).  Well, what is von Trier's grievance?  (via dlisted, link above)

Robot Movie of the Week: Thor (May 8 - May 14)

Images courtesy of Paramount Pictures/Marvel Studios

Kenneth Branagh's highly-anticipated Thor is part of a glut of comic-themed movies scheduled to be released this year, and part of the resurgence of comic book-related media that has surfaced over the last several years.  A major component of what has made this film interesting, prior to its release, was the knowledge that Shakesperean actor and director Kenneth Branagh was at the helm, and that Australian newcomer Chris Hemsworth would be starring in the lead role, alongside Natalie Portman.  In fact, Thor is packed with an ensemble cast of first-rate actors who, indeed, manage to salvage a very predictable plot by delivering performances that leap forward from the heavily-CGI'ed background of the battles of gods and giants on Asgard and other realms.  In addition to Hemsworth and Portman, Thor stars Anthony Hopkins (he is a 'sir', isn't he?), Renee Russo, Stellan Skarsgard, Colm Feore,  Tom Hiddleston, Idris Elba, Kat Dennings, and Ray Stevenson, among others.  Several members of the cast shine in the film, but the most remarkable was perhaps Hiddleston in the complex role of Loki.

Thor begins when Jane Foster, an attractive young astrophysicist (because there are so many of those), discovers a body that has crash landed in the desert in New Mexico while observing the stars with her friends (played by Skarsgard and Dennings).  The body belongs to the Norse warrior Thor and the viewer is transported back to the events that have passed over the last several days in Asgard.  During a ceremony in which Odin, King of Asgard and defender of the Nine Realms, is scheduled to step down and give his throne to his eldest son Thor, Asgard is infiltrated and Thor, along with Lady Sif and the Warriors Three, travel to Jotunheim to confront the King of the Frost Giants.  After being rescued by Odin, Thor is reprimanded by his father.  Thor has disobeyed his father in travelling to the Frost Giants and he is deemed unworthy to be king and cast out of Asgard.  After landing on Earth, Thor is hit by Foster's truck and is taken to a hospital, where he is eventually discharged after an unfruitful attempt at escape.  Meanwhile, S.H.I.E.L.D. (a government agency) has seized all of Foster's research equipment and data in order to discover what the strange physical disturbance that accompanied Thor's arrival to Earth was.  The agency is also concerned that a giant object (Thor's hammer Mjolnir) has landed in the desert.

Initially, Foster and her friends believe Thor to be some sort of maniac because of his strange behavior and odd manner of speaking.  In spite of this, Foster quickly takes a liking to Thor as she finds him to be, at the very least, genuine and gentlemanly.  Meanwhile, Thor's brother Loki (who covertly convinced Thor to go to the Frost Giants in the first place) discovers that Odin is not really his father; Loki is actually the son of the evil king of the Frost Giants, and Odin saved him as a mere babe after he was abandoned in war.  During an argument with Loki, Odin collapses into "Odin-sleep" and Loki assumes the kingship.  Loki travels to Earth and tells Thor that he can never return to Asgard, but when he tries to retrieve Mjolnir Loki is unsuccessful.  Loki eventually banishes Thor's friends to Earth and together they battle a giant that Loki sends to destroy them.  Thor proves himself worthy of Mjolnir and defeats the giant.  Heimdall (guardian of the Asgardian gate) allows Thor to return home and an epic battle ensues between Thor and Loki.  Odin awakens from Odin-sleep in order to part the brothers, but when Loki realizes that he can never be the son that Thor is to Odin, he allows himself to fall into an abyss.  Unfortunately, the gate to Earth was destroyed in the battle between the brothers and Thor wonders if he shall ever see Jane Foster again, while the physicist herself continues her research in order to find a way to reunite with Thor.

This film should really be called Kenneth Branagh Does Big Hollywood Blockbuster.  As a comic book film, Thor is successful in introducing an entirely new character to a generally unfamiliar audience (not an easy thing to accomplish), while presenting an entertaining and visually-stunning narrative.  Where the film fails, for me, is in the one-dimensional characters and the lack of real depth to the plot.  The exception to these observations would be the character of Loki, who struggles with his love for his father and coming to grips with the knowledge that he is actually a monster and, in spite of his good intentions, he shall always be a monster.  The character of Thor was well-meaning and genial, but Loki ends up being the most sympathetic in the film and the most memorable.  This film is certainly watchable and it is only "disappointing" if one reminds oneself that it was directed by Branagh, as one is inclined to expect more from him.  Indeed, Branagh certainly must have simplified the plot and the characters to make the film more approachable to a wide audience.  The film is PG-13, but it really seems like a PG film to be brutally honest.  All in all, Thor is recommended to moviegoers interested in an action film, but do not go in expecting Hamlet because you will be letdown when what you get is in fact Masters of the Universe (Dolph Lundgren in a loincloth, anyone?).

Gratuitous V for Vendetta Pic of the Day

This might come in handy in the near future (via thedailywhat)

Robot Movie of the Week: I Am Number Four (May 1 - 7)

Touchstone Pictures, Inc.

My review of D.J. Caruso's I Am Number Four comes only a day after my previous review.  Why?  Well, I recently discovered that there is a movie theater in my town where you can view slightly outdated movies for only a dollar on Tuesdays and today is, in fact, Tuesday, so I took advantage of this new discovery to see I Am Number Four, which, unfortunately, turned out to be more of a teenie bopper film than I was expecting.  I spent a good hour of the two hour film thinking to myself: "I am way too old for this."  Based on a novel penned by "Pittacus Lore" (a fictional author actually composed of two writers, of which one half is writer non grata James Frey), I Am Number Four tells the story of a teenager (played by Alex Pettyfer) who struggles to stay alive on Earth after his home planet is destroyed.  The film has several strong points, and the performances of the lead actors rank high among these.  What's fascinating about the film is that the actors seem a little too good for the movie as they manage to nail their performances in spite of a sloppy and rather lackluster screenplay.  In spite of the target demographic of (I presume) teenage girls, I Am Number Four lacks any truly cringe-worthy performances and would have been a better film if certain elements had been eliminated.  If I had to sum up in words what the film's primary problem is, I would have to say that it struggles to find its audience as it continually attempts (and succeeds) in delivering mature performances, only to remind the viewer that it is actually intended for children (for example: the adorable dog that turns into a superhero).

John Smith appears to be a normal teenager, but he has a rather unfortunate secret.  He is actually an alien from a planet that was destroyed by a villainous race called the Mogadorians.  John and other young people with special powers like him have been sent to hide on Earth, along with protectors trained to guard them until they gain their full powers.  The Mogadorians follow the young people to Earth (their next planet to destroy) and, one by one, kill the teenagers, going down the list.  In the beginning of the film, the third alien is killed and, soon after, the viewer learns that John is Number Four, and he and his protector have to leave their home to avoid being found by the Mogadorians.  They end up in the town of Paradise, Ohio (why do these films/TV shows always take place in Ohio?), where John immediately forms connections with the beautiful but quirky Sarah, and jock punching bag Sam.  Right away, Sam realizes that John is different and, eventually, John is forced to reveal that he is an alien.  Sarah and John form a love connection, and Sarah's quarterback ex-boyfriend tries, and fails, to split them up.  The Mogadorians lure John and his protector Henri into a trap and Henri is killed in the encounter.  When the Mogadorians attack John's high school, John and his friends are saved by Number Six, another one of the gifted alien teenagers.  With the cohort of Mogadorians destroyed, John, Number Six, and Sam embark on a journey to find the rest of their people on Earth.  John is forced to leave Sarah behind.

I Am Number Four has all of the elements of a successful teen film: a handsome lead actor, an attractive and quirky supporting actress (played by Glee's Dianna Agron), the typical high school social setting of jocks, bullies, nerds, and weirdos, and aliens that look like characters from a Harry Potter film.  As I attempted to argue above, the film suffers from an almost amateurish plot.  The idea of alien youths being killed off one by one is a good one, but the appearance of the Mogadorians and the handling of certain aspects of the plot left much to be desired.  Really, the essential problem is that as a twenty-something writer, I am too old to be watching this film.  In terms of analyzing it as piece of the robots in film puzzle, I Am Number Four really does not have a singular role in the canon, unless one wishes to delve into the teenager as automaton situation again (read the review of Heathers).  Another argument one could make regards sympathetic handling of aliens and establishing links between the portrayal of aliens in film vs. the portrayal of thinking machines, but I've delved into that already (read the review of The Man Who Fell To Earth).  All in all, I Am Number Four was certainly watchable and Pettyfer, Agron, and Olyphant delivered great performances, but I certainly would not watch it again... unless I wanted to relive my own high school experiences, which, alas, I don't.

I just would not forgive myself if I did not mention the recent interview that Alex Pettyfer gave to VMAN magazine (in which he basically says that L.A. is inhabited by parasites and that the women are worst of all), and I believe the interview is relevant here since I think it has to do with Dianna Agron.  Essentially, one of the strongest aspects of the film for me was the chemistry between Pettyfer and Agron, which was pretty obvious (at least on Pettyfer's part).  I have a lurking suspicion that Agron is a native of Planet Lesbotron, but that's a different story.  It is my opinion (and I'm a blogger so you are forced to listen to it) that Pettyfer fell hard for Agron during the filming of I Am number Four, and was furious when she dumped him once she no longer needed to promote the film.  The whole relationship smelled like a behind-the-scenes agent deal from jump off.  First of all, Pettyfer is much younger than he looks (clocking in at 21 I believe) and he doesn't have enough relationship experience (I gather) to know that women are mysterious creatures and he (as a guy) may think he knows what's going on when he really has no idea.  The fact that Pettyfer was referring to Agron during his tirade to VMAN was pretty obvious and it really suggests something of the jilted lover.  Furthermore, I have no doubt that Agron would have used her magic to lead Pettyfer to believe that she was interested in him when she really only wanted face time on Extra or Tiger Beat or whatever.  I hate to say it, but I'm really Team Pettyfer on this one.  Sorry, Dianna.  Alright, gossip rant over.  Have I compromised my credibility by adding this bit to the movie review?  Ah... fuck it!