Only Days After Slutting It Up With Prince William, Jennifer Lopez Announces Divorce

Actually, I was very surprised when I heard this news.  Somehow, I thought that "Jenny from the Block" Jennifer Lopez and chronically-malnourished Mark Anthony would last, but that was only because I was forgetting quite how disreputable J. Lo is.  In fact, it isn't surprising that J. Lo and Mark are getting divorced now since Jenny was seen only two days ago to virtually bulldoze celebrities out of the way to get some quality time with the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (AKA Prince William and the former Kate Middleton) during their stopover in Los Angeles as part of their tour of North America.  dlisted (I get all of my news from dlisted now) quoted Mary-Louise Parker (via People) as saying (in response to the question of whether or not she had the opportunity to meet the Duke and Duchess):

"I didn't meet them.  I was shoved out of the way by Jennifer Lopez.  Uh oh.  I shouldn't have said that."

No, Mary-Louise Parker, you shouldn't have.  Don't you know she's called "Jenny from the Block"?  Don't you know what she could do to you?  I mean, if she were to wrap her thighs around the back of your head and rest her buttocks on your neck, you wouldn't last two minutes.  Or if she were to call Jesus and Lupe or one of her other goons from the Bronx...  It's not looking good for you.  Anyways, people are saying that J. Lo was too good for Mark, or that Mark was just a rebound guy after Ben Affleck, or that Mark was jealous of the resurgence of her career.... Yadda, yadda, yadda.  It's all bullshit IMHO.  Mark Anthony is no question more talented than J. Lo, albeit less famous, and (I hate to say this), but when the woman is more successful than the man, that's as much a problem with the woman (thinking she can now do better) than it is with the man (just watch the historic documentary: The Human Animal!).  Now that J. Lo is looking hotter than ever, her face is on TV, and she has the twins she wanted, Mark Anthony is no longer necessary.  Frankly, I think Mark Anthony is a decent looking guy and he can go back to the Miss Universe that J. Lo stole him from.  Keep your head up, Mark!

"Why, yes, Jennifer!  Your navel looks terrific in that dress and the green accentuates your backside.  I agree entirely!  Kate?  Kate, help!"