Victoria Beckham and Husband David Beckham Welcome Harper Seven Into The Matrix

...and by "the Matrix" I mean planet Earth in the year 2011.  Frankly, Harper Seven is a fairly awesome name compared to Brooklyn, Tampon, Cheetoe, or whatever the hell their other kids are called.  And since the baby has been born, Victoria's weight has already dropped back to its baseline 85 pounds.  Wet.  Welcome to the Matrix, Harper Seven!  Hopefully Morpheus will come around and disconnect you so the robots don't feed on your juices when you're all grown up!

"Hmmm... Harper Seven or Seventeen Potter Barack?  I just can't decide!"

Natalie Portman Welcomes Baby Bobby Barak Millepied To The World

It is official: last night Natalie Portman, 30, and fiance Benjamin Millepied welcomed a baby boy to the world.  The news that Natalie was pregnant in the first place initially came as a surprise, and her subsequent engagement to relative unknown dancer, Benjamin Millepied, was almost as shocking.  Millepied, a Frenchman Portman met on the set of Black Swan, was seen by many as an adventurer who may have been using Portman for her wealth and fame, but that is always what is said when a woman marries a man that the public knows little or nothing about.  Now, the couple have little Luke Skywalker Millepied... that is, Bobby Barak Millepied... to think about and they can put all the critics to rest.  Obviously, I made the name up.  I have no idea what the Centipedes... um... I, mean.... Millepieds... are naming their offspring.  Other choice I considered were: Anakin Amidala Millepied, Guy Fawkes Millepied, Luke Skywalker Millepied... I could go on for days.  Congrats, Natalie and Ben!

Raise Bobby Barak in the Jedi ways, Natalie.

Angelina Pivarnick, AKA the Staten Island Ferry, Gets Knocked Up

I hate to be vulgar (or do I?) but The Jersey Shore's former castmate Angelina Pivarnick has revealed today that she and her fiancée Dave Kovacs are expecting.  I am sure that the little munchkin will pop out looking bronzed and fist pumping.  I don't know.  Good for her, I guess.  Hopefully her fiancée has a job of some kind because I don't think Angelia is bringing home much in the way of bacon.

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino: Angelina is like the Staten Island Ferry: everyone gets a ride and its free.

Sarah Palin LIED and Claimed That Trig Was Her Son When He Was Actually Her Grandson

There has been a shitstorm raging on Gawker today revolving around one university professor's theory that Trig, the supposed youngest child of Sarah and Todd Palin, is actually not Sarah Palin's child at all, but her grandson and the child of Bristol.  As evidence, Dr. Scharlott provides pictures of a visibly unpregnant Palin in the weeks before the alleged pregnancy, and also reports that the hospital has no record of the child's birth, and that Sarah Palin's office staff was given no information about the pregnancy.  Maybe I'm gullible but I'm completely convinced by the reasoning here and I'm still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor because, if this is true, this is fraud on a massive scale and millions of willing Republicans fell for it.  This woman came close to becoming Vice President of the United States, people!  To quote Matt Damon, we almost gave this woman "the nuclear codes"!    What's even more awesome than the story itself is the debate raging in the comment's section of the Gawker article.  Frankly, I stopped visiting Gawker months back because they changed the design of the website (I assumed to prevent hacking), but I think I need to start Gawking again.  Holy Freaking Cow!

Is Trig really the child of Bristol, not Sarah???