MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 11 Recap: El Werewolf

"Get the tranquilizer gun, sweetie, this Big Bad Wolf looks like a lot of fun!"

I just didn't have the energy to watch a bunch of teenagers and pretend-teenagers try their hardest not to fuck up their lines yesterday so I didn't get around to watching the latest episode of MTV's Teen Wolf until today, before I go to work and try my hardest not to fall asleep in the middle of doing my job.  In last week's episode, Allison and her very butch aunt with the big boobs managed to capture Derek, who like Scott, spends most of his time with his shirt off for some reason (I wonder why?).  Allison has begun to discover the truth: that there are werewolves running around their quaint, storybook Northern California community.  They have captured one of the betas (Derek) and now it is time to go after protagonist Scott.  Meanwhile Scott awakens in the veterinary office where he works (also shirtless).  You get the idea.  And did you know that werewolves, in addition to having a serious problem with silver bullets, also do not like "mountain ash"?  So when the werewolf apocalypse comes, make sure to stock up, unless you are a teenage girl (or a male resident of San Francisco, especially the Castro area) and the idea of being ravished by a werewolf sounds pretty freaking awesome.  Schwing!  And if you were wondering if there is a liberal agenda at work in this show (which I actually don't have a problem with, frankly) there definitely is, for example when Jackson tells Scott and Stiles to "Better yet... screw each other."  O...okay.

"This is my happy face."

"I'll kill you if you set me free.  Set me free."  [A line from a classic novel.  Hint: It rhymes with The Mast Lunicorn]

"Another Gossip Girl marathon!  NOOOOOOOOO!"

"Isn't it time for me to come out of the closet yet?"

"Does it feel good when I touch you there?"

Teen Wolf's Colton Haynes Covers Bello Mag #27

In case you missed it (which I did), Colton Haynes was on the cover of the most recent issue of Bello Mag.  In the issue, Colton gets out of his sweaty lacrosse gear and all dolled-up in a tux.  The photos were snapped by Alek and Steph and the styling was handled by Warren Alife Baker.  (via belloblog)

Alek and Steph/Bello Mag

MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 10 Recap: Testosterone Abounds

"Why the Hell is it always so dark in this locker room?"

Since I am sitting in Starbucks (again) and dealing with a crappy Wi-fi connection because of all the other dweebs (like myself) that are clogging up the Internets, I have to base my assessment of this episode on the few minutes that I was able to watch.  And let's be honest, most of you are here just because of the screengrabs and really couldn't give two sh*ts about what actually happened on the show.  What I do know is, teen wolf Scott ends up meeting the Alpha wolf in a darkened and empty locker room.  Obviously, the alpha is the wolf that turned Scott and possibly also Jackson (if he ends up becoming a werewolf, which I am sure he will); the alpha is also the uncle of Derek and the murderer of Derek's sister.  The show is still about as swishy as a Bruce Weber Abercrombie photoshoot in the mid-late 90s (mostly due to the heavily-skewed ratio of male to female characters in this show, and the fact that the male characters are shirtless at least once an episode), but there aren't any complaints yet as the show remains essentially PG-13.  As long as we don't see any simulated sex scenes (Skins, anyone?), the Parents Television Council (AKA The Sexually-Dissatisfied Middle-Aged Suburbanites of America Foundation) will keep quiet.  At this point, there is no question that MTV will bring Teen Wolf back for a second season so it is only a matter of how many accessory characters the writers can introduce to keep the story moving along.

"Do you need me to... um... lotion your back for you, bro?"

"Right here, on the hood of the car?  In broad daylight?"

"I'm the Alpha's main man, not you, Jackson."

MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 9 Recap: Bite Me, Or I'll Steal Your Girlfriend

"You're putting that probe WHERE?"

That's basically what Jackson (played by Colton Haynes) tells Scott (played by Tyler Posey) when he realizes that Scott is a werewolf.  Prior to that, we get to see a pretty cool scene in which Jackson imagines that a doctor is pulling a vine of wolf's bane (or a bunch of weeds, it wasn't really clear) out of his back, while Jackson lays naked and face down on the examination table.  Oh yes.  The homoeroticism is not over.  Not by a long shot.  Essentially, Jackson realizes that he was attacked by a werewolf (about three episodes ago) and he knows that Scott is a werewolf and he threatens to steal Scott's on-again-off-again girlfriend Allison if Scott does not transform him into a werewolf.  Because becoming a werewolf is just that easy.  While Scott tries to patch things up with Allison (who also is in possession of a necklace, which serves as a clue), there still remains the lingering issue of who the "Alpha" is and what exactly he wants with Scott.  Eventually, the identity of the Alpha is revealed, but you'll have to watch the episode on MTV.com to find out (or just wait until next week's episode)!

"Stiles, if you don't shut up you're going to end up gagged and spread-eagled on the hood of this car, homey!"

"I want a jock that fits, asshole!"

"You mean I don't need a prostate exam?  But... but I was looking forward to it!"

What's with the consistently creepy doctors on these shows?

MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 8 Recap: Another Full Moon, Another Opportunity To Be Shirtless

"Wait, I'm a werewolf and I'm counting sheep!  That's so... yaaaaawwwwwnnnn... so awesome... yaaaawwwwnnnnn"

I am going to be perfectly honest from the get-go and say that I only watched the first ten minutes of this week's episode because, let's face it, I have better things to do [actually, it's because the wi-fi at the Starbucks I'm sitting at has decided to go the way of the dinosaur].   But, I can basically give a run down of what happened.  [Closes eyes and goes into full-blown menopausal clairvoyant trance:]  Protagonist Scott is facing another full moon and finds himself in complete werewolf mode yet again....  Fortunately for us viewers, in werewolf mode Scott does not have a burning desire to play basketball in a pair of itty-bitty yellow basketball shorts (I know some of you out there must have seen the original Teen Wolf), but instead likes stalking his girlfriend Allison, who, frankly, looks like she's in her early thirties, as opposed to all of the boys on the show who look... erm... prepubescent.  Anyways, I don't know how the show ends because I already told you that this crappy Starbucks internet connection has decided to spend the last 15 minutes buffering the video, but who cares?  If you watch the beginning of the show, you'll get to see these young'uns down a bottle of Jack Daniels (which is probably diluted A&W root beer) and pretend to act inebriated.  Sorry, boys.  I am pretty sure that Paz de la Huerta does a much better "inebriated" than either of you.  You need more practice.  Why don't you give Heidi a call?  It's always "wine o'clock" at the Montag-Pratt house in Los Feliz!

"Crap, I forgot my locker room etiquette!  Do I drop the soap ten seconds or fifteen seconds into the shower?"

"Stiles, pass me a towel, will ya?"

"OMG, dude, your wang is so freakin' HUUUGGGEEE!"

MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 7 Recap: If We Hold Hands Maybe The Werewolf Won't Eat Us

"I'm just helping him tie his shoelaces in the car!"

Yeah, that's called wishful thinking.  This episode is actually entitled "Night School" because the entire episode takes place at the kiddies' high school in California in the middle of the night.  It turns out that the Alpha managed to lure the entire cast of the show to the high school in order to eat them, engage in mutual masturbation, draft a letter about the poor state of the economy to the Obama administration...  In any event, it turns out that teen wolf Scott is cornered by his friends about what is happening (who is after them, etc.) and he decides that the best thing to do is to throw his boy Derek under the bus, telling the others that Derek is responsible for all of the murders that have gone down in the town and now he's trying to kill them.  Stiles knows this isn't true, but Scott figures that since Derek may be dead anyway he might as well blame him rather than admit to the others that he's actually a werewolf and that the werewolf (wereperson?) that created him is now after him so that they can... be in the same pack... or something.  Actually, the whole scenario kind of reminds of how Armand from Interview With The Vampire attempted to rope Louis into staying with him in Paris.  Not really a similar situation, but the whole gay subterfuge thing struck a familiar chord with me.  At some point I will have to make a post about werewolf symbolism (you know, the way Cracked.com did a post about how Aliens was all about rape?), because I know I can't be the only that is seeing sex in every inch of Teen Wolf.  Maybe I'm just a perv?

"Hold up, you want me to join your pack how?  By... bottoming?"

"Wait, you want to poor honey on my WHAT?"

We finally got a good look at the Alpha werewolf in this episode

MTV Teen Wolf Cast Bios: Colton Haynes

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MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 6 Recap: PMS For Dudes

"I knew having lunch at the Olive Garden was a bad idea!!!"

On MTV's Teen Wolf, protagonist Scott has an "A Ha!" moment when he realizes that "anger" is what precipitates his transformation into a teen wolf.  Duh.  This has been done before, like Bruce Banner in "The Hulk" or He-Man, etc. (actually, I don't remember much about He-Man, but don't question me).  Scott's mentor  Derek believes that Scott's love interest Allison is a distraction and recommends that he stays away from her, but Scott can't seem to keep away.  Meanwhile, Jackson (who was scratched by a werewolf in the last episode and has begun to notice transformations in himself) decides to befriend Scott and Allison, allegedly because he's tired of being a jerk, but Allison suspects an ulterior motive (and it goes without saying that she's probably right).  This motley crew of characters will become even more motley when the identity of the Alpha (the werewolf that bit Scott and likely also Jackson) is revealed.  Is it the ambiguously gay teacher in the dark sunglasses?  Is it the mysterious veterinarian at the local animal hospital who seems to know an awful lot about "mountain lions"?  Is Elton John secretly a member of the cast and looking for young boys to fondle now that married bliss has become less blissful?  Is... forget about it... I'm running out of witty things to say.  Teen Wolf is gayer than ever and I can't stop watching!

"Just admit it, bro.  You don't find me attractive..."

"When the Alpha comes, he better be ready for my eleven inch..."

MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 5 Recap: What Happens In The Locker Room, Stays In The Locker Room

Jackson feels the touch of a werewolf.

If you were wondering if MTV's Teen Wolf could get any gayer (more gay?) than the answer is: "Yes".  There is a shirtless locker room scene, hair-pulling, lots of testosterone, and guys wanting other guys to tell they are attractive.  In this week's episode, lacrosse star Jackson finds himself an unwilling bottom to the town's local werewolf, presumably the same "alpha" that bit protagonist Scott McCall.  Meanwhile, Scott finds out that the girl that he likes is seventeen (a year older than all of the other main characters on the show).  Derek, Scott's werewolf friend, needs to find out what actually happened to Jackson in the video shop (at the beginning of the episode) and corners him in the locker room.  Honestly, all jokes aside, Teen Wolf is not nearly as gay as I suggest with my posts on the subject, but this locker room scene (and the scene that immediately proceeded it) are much gayer than what one might expect in this type of show.  The scene was oddly reminiscent of the Brotherhood series of films (with all of the shirtless jocks, double entendres, and miscellaneous innuendo).  Anyway, the show is heating up and the acting and writing have not slacked off, which is often the case.  Still waiting for one of these guys to come out of the closet.

"If you need a shoulder to cry on, my apartment's right down the street."

"Dude, do you find me attractive?" [He actually said this on the show]

"Now, where did I leave my AXE body spray..."

Teen Wolf Episode 4 Recap: There's So Much Testosterone In These Boys They Have To Be on Steroids

Jackson suspects Derek of being on steroids.

Being a "teen wolf" might be fun if you had a support network consisting of parents that were also wolves, but all Scott, the protagonist of MTV's new series Teen Wolf, has for advice is a brooding wolf named Derek who doesn't know his ass from his elbow.  In this week's episode, Derek is shot with a mysterious bullet by wolf hunters while in pursuit of the alpha wolf, weakening him.  Before nearly passing out in the school parking lot, Derek is cornered by Jackson (played by Colton Haynes), who is convinced that he and Scott must be on steroids.  The combination of all the dudes in the cast and the testosterone reference certainly isn't altering my perception of the show so far ("It's so gay, but it's so good").  Meanwhile, Scott has his own problems to deal with as he and his crush Allison have a study date coming up.  Can he prevent himself from transforming as she puts the moves on him?  Will Scott and Derek find the alpha wolf and clear the suspicions leveled against them?

Jackson knows something is not right with Derek.

MTV's Teen Wolf Cast Bios: Dylan O'Brien

Dylan plays Stiles on Teen Wolf

New York City-native Dylan O'Brien is the most green of the main actors on MTV's new series Teen Wolf, though you would not be able to tell from his acting.  In fact, the show is remarkable for the quality of the acting of its cast considering their overall youth.  O'Brien, born on August 26, 1991 (making him a Virgo), plays Stiles, the BFF of the wolf protagonist, Scott McCall.  It was Stiles who roped Scott into taking the midnight stroll through the woods (looking for a dead body) that led to Scott's being bit by a werewolf and subsequently transforming into the creature of legend himself.  So far, Stiles seems to fill the roll of goofy sidekick to Scott; more of a foil to show off Scott's nascent coolness, rather than the Batman to his Robin.

I have a sneaking suspicion that Stiles will either be killed off, bitten by a werewolf himself, or come out of the closet.

Prior to Teen Wolf, O'Brien's acting credits are pretty thin.  According to IMDB, he starred in High Road, which was released this year and also stars Lizzy Caplan and Kathryn Burns.  O'Brien is also slated to appear  in The First Time, a film whose starring role is filled by Nickelodeon star Victoria Justice.  And that's about it   O'Brien also starred in a web series called Sweety.  During an interview with the HuffPo, O'Brien revealed that he had been planning on applying to film school and becoming a cinematographer like his father, before his role in Sweety changed things.  In spite of his relative lack of experience, O'Brien's character of Stiles already has garnered a following, with more than a few viewers already claiming Stiles as their favorite character on the show.  Methinks we'll be seeing more of Dylan O'Brien in the future.

MTV's Teen Wolf Cast Bios: Tyler Posey

Tyler is being called "the next Taylor Lautner".  Taylor may have something to say about that

Tyler Garcia Posey is Parker Posey's bangable son, nephew, or cousin.  Alright, I have to take a step back since most of you probably have no idea who Parker Posey is, but basically she was an actress who was in a bunch of low budget, funny movies in the nineties (google her).  Tyler is the star of MTV's new hit series Teen Wolf, playing the role of Scott McCall, a high schooler transformed into the confident star of the school's lacrosse team, merely by getting bit by a werewolf during a midnight romp with his BFF Stiles in the forest.  That sort of sounds like the beginning to a film on LOGO, but, in fact, Scott has a huge crush on Allison, whose father (naturally) happens to be a werewolf hunter hot on the trail of whomever is responsible for the recent string of deaths in their Northern California town.  So who is Tyler Posey?

Tyler and his BFF Stiles are so into girls, its not even funny

Tyler was born in Santa Monica, California on October 18, 1991.  He currently lives in Santa Clarita with his family, which consists of his parents and his two brothers, Jesse and Derek.  He graduated from Hart High School in Santa Clarita, rather than being home-schooled like many other actors.  In spite of his youth, Tyler already has numerous acting gigs in both television and film under his belt.  He has had roles in Collateral Damage, Into the West, Smallville, and Lincoln Heights.  As I am writing this, I am shocked to discover that Tyler played Jennifer Lopez's adorable son in Maid in Manhattan, which, although not the greatest movie ever, at least was memorable.  Wow, he's all grown up.  Tyler apparently is being groomed to be "the next Taylor Lautner", which is rather amusing since Taylor is alive and well and very capable of stealing roles from "the next Taylor Lautner".  As one would expect from a Southern California actor, Taylor has his own band, called Lost in Kostko, and enjoys music, singing, appearing shirtless, and skateboarding.  You'll have to pick up an issue of Tiger Beat to find out what else Tyler likes because that's all I got.  Since Teen Wolf seems to be doing much better than MTV's last foray into drama (namely, the disaster that was Skins), we may be seeing more of Tyler on the small screen as the series continues to shoot.

This is Tyler, aged 10, starring alongside J. Lo and Ralph Fiennes in Maid in Manhattan

MTV's Teen Wolf Cast Bios: Tyler Hoechlin

Tyler Hoechlin as Derek Hale in Teen Wolf

There is an abundance of last names as first names among the cast of MTV's new series Teen Wolf.  There is a Colton, a Dylan, a Holland, and two Tylers: one of which is the subject of this biography, Tyler Hoechlin.  Hoechlin, a native of Corona, California (in Riverside County) got his big break in film with the role of Michael Sullivan, Jr. in 2002's Road To Perdition.  Hoechlin was chosen from over 2000 candidates for the role and was only fourteen when filming began.  Hoechlin, born in 1987, went on land a supporting role in 7th Heaven, one of the longest running family dramas in television history, wrapping up with its eleventh season in 2006.  Hoechlin, an avid baseball player, headed off to Arizona State University on a baseball scholarship in 2005, and also played ball closer to home at UC Irvine, where he transferred in 2007.  According to IMDB.com, Hoechlin was allegedly among the final two actors shortlisted for the role Edward Cullen in Twilight, losing out in the end to Brit Robert Pattinson.

Tyler Lee Hoechlin, standing at 6 feet tall, sticks out among the other members of the cast of Teen Wolf.  For one thing, he appears to be significantly older than the others, even older than his twenty-three years.  His role, as Derek Hale, is dark and sinister and mature, and this is contrasted to the light-hearted high schoolers that he finds himself interacting with on the show.  Indeed, Hoechlin appears more aged than his peers because they all appear particularly young (unlike the thirty-somethings that usually play high-schoolers... cough... 90210... cough).  Derek Hale, as we have seen thus far, has returned to a sleepy town in California to investigate the death of his sister.  Initially, protagonist Scott believes (and with ample reason) that Derek is the werewolf that bit him, but in the third episode Derek reveals that there is a third werewolf around, an "alpha", and that it was this werewolf whose bite transformed Scott.  Derek's suspicious behavior up to this point leaves the veracity of his statements in doubt (in particular, his claim that he is on Scott's side), but it seems readily apparent at this point that there is, in fact, a third werewolf on the prowl and that Scott and Derek may have to team up if this alpha wolf proves to be as strong as his dirty work so far suggests.  At this point, Hoechlin's role as Derek is pretty one dimensional: all it requires is someone tall, dark, and handsome able to appear intermittently serious and sincere.  And I have a sneaking suspicion that Derek may be killed off at some point in the 12-episode first season, but all of that remains to be seen.  Stay tuned, folks.  I know I will be.

Hoechlin has mastered that one "serious look" this role requires.

Teen Wolf Episode 3 Recap: Gay Lycanthropy, For Beginners

"Oh my god, did I really kill that guy while in my gay wolf form?"

Reviews for Teen Wolf thus far have been mixed.  People under the age of seventeen seem to love it, while those over the age of thirty can't seem to get over the fact that the "teen wolf" does not come from a family of teen wolves as he did in the original movie/TV show and hate it.  What people over the age of thirty are doing watching this in the first place is beyond me (though I'm getting close myself).  I wanted to call this post "And Yet More Gayness", since I counted three gay references in the first ten minutes of the show and I am now convinced that protagonist Scott's BFF Stiles is going to come out of the closet by the end of the season, but I'll let events unravel in their time.  In this week's episode of Teen Wolf, Scott worries that he might have severely injured an innocent man while in wolf form and so he corners Derek, the other wolf in town, who tells Scott that he can teach him how to control his powers.  Things get even more complicated when Scott finds himself roped into a double date with captain of the lacrosse team Jackson (AKA Colton Haynes of XY fame).  Considering the strong undercurrent of homoerotic imagery in the show, this episode basically was "Gay Lycanthropy, For Beginners".  Hmmm... maybe someone wants to... erm... give a young struggling writer a hefty advance to write a book with that title...  Just a suggestion.

"Yeah, my bone structure is way too amazing to be double-dating with you geeks.  Plus, I secretly like the ding-dong."

MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 2 Recap: The Gayness Continues

Derek has his eyes on Teen Wolf Scott.  I think he wants to do more than just talk.

I actually am starting to like this show, although it is readily apparent that I am way too old to be watching.  In last night's episode, Scott, the Teen Wolf, is cornered by the werewolf that bit him (a tall, dark and handsome stranger named Derek, who is definitely too old to be hanging out with all these underage teenagers) and has to decide whether or not to obey Derek's command to abandon his new sport, or play as a starter for the upcoming lacrosse game.  If that's not enough suspense for ya, Scott also has to come to grips with the knowledge that the father of the girl he likes is a werewolf hunter.  Oh snap.  If I had to sum up the show so far, I would say that it is certainly a cross between Twilight and Gossip Girl; the emphasis on twinky high school guys appeals to both teenage girls and gay men.  It's a win-win situation!

Shifting during lacrosse practice is inconvenient