Buffalo Bills' Shawn Merriman Frolics On South Beach

A few years ago there was a lot of talk about alleged steroid use by linebacker Shawne Merriman and, honestly  he looks much bigger now than he did then.  Not to say that he would be stupid enough to get back on the juice after the legal troubles and the suspension that he went through, but... yeah, well, just look for yourself.  I know you have to be big to keep Tila Tequila in check, but Shawne went a little overboard.  Inappropriate?  Whatever, I allow myself three inappropriate comments a day (and four on Mondays), so it looks like I'm done.  Seriously, I'm done.  I promise.

Plaxico Burress and Chad Ochocinco Pull Photo-Op

He's been out of lockdown for less than a week, but former NY Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress's face has been plastered all over the place.  In the picture below, Plaxico (still the coolest name ever in my book) poses beside Cincinatti Bengals' own Chad Ochocinco, who obviously has a lot of time on his hands with no NFL season on the horizon.  In addition to another questionable fashionable choice (cough... those sneakers... cough), Chad is wearing his fiance Evelyn Lozada's "You are a non f'n factor, bitch!" t-shirt.  Burress still has that "I want booty" prison look on his face, so I would be careful standing so close to him if I was Chad.  (via Terez Owens)

Michael Vick Gives Commencement Speech To Philadelphia High School For Troubled Teens

Michael Vick delivering the Commencement Address at Camelot Academy in Philadelphia

If there was a story this weekend that should not have flown under the radar, it is the news that current Philadelphia Eagles quarterback (and former Atlanta Falcons QB) Michael Vick was invited to give the commencement address to graduating students at Camelot Academy in Philadelphia.  The academy offers an alternative educational environment for students with disciplinary, academic, or behavioral issues, according to ESPN.  Vick was tapped to give the address due to his presumed ability to overcome "challenges", namely putting his life back together after being convicted of involvement in dog fighting activities and serving 18 months in prison related to the charges.  Protests were held the day of Vick's commencement address as numerous individuals and groups expressed concern about Vick's suitability to speak with students of any kind, let alone young people with the background of the students at Camelot Academy.  Many voices can be heard expressing doubt about Vick's remorse regarding his activities; some believe that choosing him to be a commencement speaker sets a bad precedent, although Vick has been penalized suitably for his crimes in the eyes of the law.

To many, Vick epitomizes the heartless, heedless, testosterone-fueled athlete and he is used as the representative of everything that is wrong with modern-day American sports culture.  That the severity of Vick's treatment by the media, as well as some of his peers in sports, has strong overtones of racism goes without saying.  It's no surprise that someone like Tucker Carlson would be among the loudest voices to say "Michael Vick Should Die" although the radio commentator (infamous for referring to the young women of the Rutgers Women's Basketball Team as "nappy-headed hoes") was not alone; several professional athletes were quoted saying something similar.  It is very easy for the mainstream American, living comfortably in their suburb, to envision Vick, and others like him, as the dark-faced criminal that they were raised to fear, merely in a football jersey and black eyes staring from behind a helmet rather than behind prison bars.  Fueling the flames is the latent indignation that someone of a poor and uneducated background should be earning more, much more, than "hardworking Americans"... like... cough... Donald Trump... and... cough... Rupert Murdoch both of whom take baths in golden bathtubs and inherited millions from their fathers (and of whom one, Murdoch, is not even American by birth).

What fascinates me, and continues to fascinate even years later, is that people are furious when something like this happens to animals, but are not concerned about child slavery, sexual trafficking, rampant homelessness and unemployment, murder, etc.  I get that pets are cute, but shouldn't we be more concerned about people?  Does the average American realize how many children die yearly from cholera, measles, mumps, etc. due solely to poverty and inadequate healthcare?  This is the cynic speaking, but it boggles the mind that people would say that a man deserves to die because he runs a pit bull fighting ring, but do not think that someone involved in sexual trafficking of fourteen year-old girls or modern slavery deserves anything nearly as harsh.  But I digress.  Do I believe that Vick merits redemption and should have been allowed to speak at the Camelot Academy?  Yes, but only if he truly regrets his actions, and I am not sure that he does.  Only Mr. Vick knows for sure.  Rant over.

Kim Kardashian Sues Over Cheating Rumors With Patriots' Bret Lockett

And the Kim Kardashian news is back!  It has been revealed today that future Mrs. Kris Humphries (AKA Kim Kardashian AKA The Lady With the Beautiful Armenian Badonk-a-donk) is suing In Touch Weekly over a news story they ran alleging that she cheated on fiance Kris Humphries with New England Patriots safety Bret Lockett.  Kim resorted to twitter to defend herself (as everyone does these days) and claims that she has never dated (in fact, has never even met) the swift-footed NFL star.  Honestly, I wouldn't put it above Kim's camp to start this rumor themselves, to build interest in her future wedding, but if she actually goes through with this lawsuit that might put that suspicion to rest.  In any event, even if this story isn't true, I sincerely hope that Mr. Humphries realizes the caliber of woman he's dealing with.  When dealing with gals that have been around the block as many times as Kim, a man has to be careful!

Kim's tweet is "setting the record straight"

Brett Lockett is on the right

Chad Ochocinco Strikes Deal With Tapout To Promote Gold Tooth Mouth Guards

Interesting story.  It was announced this week that Chad Ochocinco (who I am pretty sure is back to calling himself Chad Johnson at this point) has struck a deal with MMA retailer and sponsor Tapout to promote a new line of Ochocinco-inspired gold mouthguards.  Ochocinco has always been a guy that loves attention (his most recent attention gathering move being, of course, his engagement to hot mess reality star Evelyn Lozada, but that's a tale for another time) and his gold mouth guard was just another way for him to create a memorable image for fans and haters alike.  I don't know whether to see this as a douchebag move or a strike of marketing genius.  Frankly, I am sure that there are lots of guys that wouldn't mind stepping into the octagon with a gold grill like Chad so I am sure these pieces will sell like hot cakes.  Leave it up to the crazy guys from Tapout to come up with something like this!

Getting rid of the gold mohawk was an awesome idea, Chad.  Gold teeth: One.  Gold mohawk: Zero.

In Case You Missed It: Cam Newton Covers Justin Bieber

It seems like the only word to the song that Cam knows is "Ohhhh..."

An Autobiography I Shall Not Be Reading: Through My Eyes by Tim Tebow

Tim Tebow, who played college ball for the Gators, is a football player who probably is not as controversial as he should be.  Home-schooled by Christian missionaries, Tebow is all about getting biblical, as seen in the image below where he famously posted the location of his favorite Bible passage.  There are several things about this guy that are fascinating (not the least of which is the fact that, despite being a baller, he is certainly a virgin as he believes in sexual abstinence before marriage).  Honestly, this guy is all kinds of wrong.  From claiming that Chuck Norris is his role model (and being completely serious) to just being Tim Tebow, I see absolutely no appeal in reading something this guy has "written", but that certainly won't stop it from flying off the shelves.  That much is clear.  The book, entitled Through My Eyes, is scheduled to drop on May 31.

Um... other than the biblical citation on your cheek, there doesn't seem to be a whole lot going on behind those eyes, Tim

Tom Brady Brings The Swagger Back To The Kentucky Derby

...or at least he tries to.  I hate to pick on Tom Brady because he's kind of an easy target but, honestly, he looks like a snake oil salesman in these pics.  The suit alone is worthy of censure, but the suit AND the hat.  C'mon, man.  Just let Gisele dress you and call it a day.

"Just admit it.  You think I'm SICKENING!"

Kim Zolciak's Baller Kroy Biermann Bails Out Of Marriage Plans

What's really sad about this whole scenario is that it officially looks like I am getting all of my news from Bossip.com, but anyway it turns out that Atlanta Falcons' own Kroy Biermann has finally wised up about his fiancee Kim Zolciak (of the Real Housewives of Atlanta) and has decided to postpone the wedding.  It doesn't sound like the wedding's been cancelled out right, so far, but at least he's getting the big picture.  I guess someone anonymously dropped off the DVD's of the Real Housewives of Atlanta so that Kroy could see what he was getting himself into (and no, it wasn't me).  Now if only Kris Humphries could get a clue about Kim Kardashian, all might be well in the universe.  (via Bossip)

"Kim is so genuine... especially the enormous boobs and obvious hair extensions"

Pats QB Tom Brady Cries Over Pia Toscano's American Idol Elimination

Last night Tom Brady taped a video where he cried over Pia's elimination from American Idol.  Or did he?  See for yourself. (Tauntr via Terez Owens)

In Case You Missed It: The Phil Simms Workout (1980s)

So bad, but so good.  First of all, these guys are having way too much fun for this to be a real workout.  Secondly, they spent about five minutes introducing the guys in the video.  Anyways, this video has to be watched to believed.  Features Phil Simms, Reggie Williams, Tony Dorsett, and others.  (via Urlesque)