The Kim Kardashian - Kris Humphries Nuptials To Cost $20 Million

Take that starving children of Asia, Africa (and America)!  While you are dressed in rags scouring the dirty alleys of Nairobi looking for the remains of a half-eaten Three Musketeers bar or a slow rat that might allow you to skin and eat him, the Kardashian clan is planning a fete large enough to make every pale member of the House of Windsor exclaim "Oh snap!"  I'm beginning to understand why everyone hates America.  I have no problem with Kris Humphries because he actually has a talent and has worked hard to gain his spot on the New Jersey Nets, but what has Kim Kardashian done to deserve a $20 million wedding?  Her only skill is the ability to consistently deny (with a fervor worthy of the Fremen) the accusations that her ass is fake.  Frankly, when the revolution (which will not be televised) finally comes to America after our unemployment rate tops 20%, I hope the first thing people do is search out Kim Kardashian, roast her hind quarters on an open spit, and eat it (silicone, collagen, and all).  That's a little harsh, but when you live in a country where people with Ph.Ds can't even find a job (or end up working at Starbucks) but fucking Kim Kardashian is able to afford a $20 million wedding, it really makes you wonder.  Anyway, I announced a few weeks ago that the Kardashians were planning on televising Kim's wedding (probably with Ryan Seacrest's production company), so it appears that whichever network picks the program up (probably E!) will fit some of the bill for this unholy union of an octoroon giant and an Armenian hobbit with several liters of silicone in various parts of her body.  That was wrong.  Again, I actually think Kris Humphries is alright.  He reminds me of a friend of mine.  Anyways, according to Terezowens.com, Kim and Kris have arranged for wedding gifts to be registered with Gearys of Beverly Hills, where the invited can pay over $7000 for Baccarat candy jars or $10,000 for ebony-skinned slaves imported overnight from South Sudan.  Alright, I made that last bit up, but you get the idea.

Kim K and Vera Wang shopping for dresses in NY last week.  Bauer Griffin