MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 11 Recap: El Werewolf

"Get the tranquilizer gun, sweetie, this Big Bad Wolf looks like a lot of fun!"

I just didn't have the energy to watch a bunch of teenagers and pretend-teenagers try their hardest not to fuck up their lines yesterday so I didn't get around to watching the latest episode of MTV's Teen Wolf until today, before I go to work and try my hardest not to fall asleep in the middle of doing my job.  In last week's episode, Allison and her very butch aunt with the big boobs managed to capture Derek, who like Scott, spends most of his time with his shirt off for some reason (I wonder why?).  Allison has begun to discover the truth: that there are werewolves running around their quaint, storybook Northern California community.  They have captured one of the betas (Derek) and now it is time to go after protagonist Scott.  Meanwhile Scott awakens in the veterinary office where he works (also shirtless).  You get the idea.  And did you know that werewolves, in addition to having a serious problem with silver bullets, also do not like "mountain ash"?  So when the werewolf apocalypse comes, make sure to stock up, unless you are a teenage girl (or a male resident of San Francisco, especially the Castro area) and the idea of being ravished by a werewolf sounds pretty freaking awesome.  Schwing!  And if you were wondering if there is a liberal agenda at work in this show (which I actually don't have a problem with, frankly) there definitely is, for example when Jackson tells Scott and Stiles to "Better yet... screw each other."  O...okay.

"This is my happy face."

"I'll kill you if you set me free.  Set me free."  [A line from a classic novel.  Hint: It rhymes with The Mast Lunicorn]

"Another Gossip Girl marathon!  NOOOOOOOOO!"

"Isn't it time for me to come out of the closet yet?"

"Does it feel good when I touch you there?"

MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 10 Recap: Testosterone Abounds

"Why the Hell is it always so dark in this locker room?"

Since I am sitting in Starbucks (again) and dealing with a crappy Wi-fi connection because of all the other dweebs (like myself) that are clogging up the Internets, I have to base my assessment of this episode on the few minutes that I was able to watch.  And let's be honest, most of you are here just because of the screengrabs and really couldn't give two sh*ts about what actually happened on the show.  What I do know is, teen wolf Scott ends up meeting the Alpha wolf in a darkened and empty locker room.  Obviously, the alpha is the wolf that turned Scott and possibly also Jackson (if he ends up becoming a werewolf, which I am sure he will); the alpha is also the uncle of Derek and the murderer of Derek's sister.  The show is still about as swishy as a Bruce Weber Abercrombie photoshoot in the mid-late 90s (mostly due to the heavily-skewed ratio of male to female characters in this show, and the fact that the male characters are shirtless at least once an episode), but there aren't any complaints yet as the show remains essentially PG-13.  As long as we don't see any simulated sex scenes (Skins, anyone?), the Parents Television Council (AKA The Sexually-Dissatisfied Middle-Aged Suburbanites of America Foundation) will keep quiet.  At this point, there is no question that MTV will bring Teen Wolf back for a second season so it is only a matter of how many accessory characters the writers can introduce to keep the story moving along.

"Do you need me to... um... lotion your back for you, bro?"

"Right here, on the hood of the car?  In broad daylight?"

"I'm the Alpha's main man, not you, Jackson."

MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 9 Recap: Bite Me, Or I'll Steal Your Girlfriend

"You're putting that probe WHERE?"

That's basically what Jackson (played by Colton Haynes) tells Scott (played by Tyler Posey) when he realizes that Scott is a werewolf.  Prior to that, we get to see a pretty cool scene in which Jackson imagines that a doctor is pulling a vine of wolf's bane (or a bunch of weeds, it wasn't really clear) out of his back, while Jackson lays naked and face down on the examination table.  Oh yes.  The homoeroticism is not over.  Not by a long shot.  Essentially, Jackson realizes that he was attacked by a werewolf (about three episodes ago) and he knows that Scott is a werewolf and he threatens to steal Scott's on-again-off-again girlfriend Allison if Scott does not transform him into a werewolf.  Because becoming a werewolf is just that easy.  While Scott tries to patch things up with Allison (who also is in possession of a necklace, which serves as a clue), there still remains the lingering issue of who the "Alpha" is and what exactly he wants with Scott.  Eventually, the identity of the Alpha is revealed, but you'll have to watch the episode on MTV.com to find out (or just wait until next week's episode)!

"Stiles, if you don't shut up you're going to end up gagged and spread-eagled on the hood of this car, homey!"

"I want a jock that fits, asshole!"

"You mean I don't need a prostate exam?  But... but I was looking forward to it!"

What's with the consistently creepy doctors on these shows?

MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 6 Recap: PMS For Dudes

"I knew having lunch at the Olive Garden was a bad idea!!!"

On MTV's Teen Wolf, protagonist Scott has an "A Ha!" moment when he realizes that "anger" is what precipitates his transformation into a teen wolf.  Duh.  This has been done before, like Bruce Banner in "The Hulk" or He-Man, etc. (actually, I don't remember much about He-Man, but don't question me).  Scott's mentor  Derek believes that Scott's love interest Allison is a distraction and recommends that he stays away from her, but Scott can't seem to keep away.  Meanwhile, Jackson (who was scratched by a werewolf in the last episode and has begun to notice transformations in himself) decides to befriend Scott and Allison, allegedly because he's tired of being a jerk, but Allison suspects an ulterior motive (and it goes without saying that she's probably right).  This motley crew of characters will become even more motley when the identity of the Alpha (the werewolf that bit Scott and likely also Jackson) is revealed.  Is it the ambiguously gay teacher in the dark sunglasses?  Is it the mysterious veterinarian at the local animal hospital who seems to know an awful lot about "mountain lions"?  Is Elton John secretly a member of the cast and looking for young boys to fondle now that married bliss has become less blissful?  Is... forget about it... I'm running out of witty things to say.  Teen Wolf is gayer than ever and I can't stop watching!

"Just admit it, bro.  You don't find me attractive..."

"When the Alpha comes, he better be ready for my eleven inch..."

MTV's Teen Wolf Episode 5 Recap: What Happens In The Locker Room, Stays In The Locker Room

Jackson feels the touch of a werewolf.

If you were wondering if MTV's Teen Wolf could get any gayer (more gay?) than the answer is: "Yes".  There is a shirtless locker room scene, hair-pulling, lots of testosterone, and guys wanting other guys to tell they are attractive.  In this week's episode, lacrosse star Jackson finds himself an unwilling bottom to the town's local werewolf, presumably the same "alpha" that bit protagonist Scott McCall.  Meanwhile, Scott finds out that the girl that he likes is seventeen (a year older than all of the other main characters on the show).  Derek, Scott's werewolf friend, needs to find out what actually happened to Jackson in the video shop (at the beginning of the episode) and corners him in the locker room.  Honestly, all jokes aside, Teen Wolf is not nearly as gay as I suggest with my posts on the subject, but this locker room scene (and the scene that immediately proceeded it) are much gayer than what one might expect in this type of show.  The scene was oddly reminiscent of the Brotherhood series of films (with all of the shirtless jocks, double entendres, and miscellaneous innuendo).  Anyway, the show is heating up and the acting and writing have not slacked off, which is often the case.  Still waiting for one of these guys to come out of the closet.

"If you need a shoulder to cry on, my apartment's right down the street."

"Dude, do you find me attractive?" [He actually said this on the show]

"Now, where did I leave my AXE body spray..."

Teen Wolf Episode 4 Recap: There's So Much Testosterone In These Boys They Have To Be on Steroids

Jackson suspects Derek of being on steroids.

Being a "teen wolf" might be fun if you had a support network consisting of parents that were also wolves, but all Scott, the protagonist of MTV's new series Teen Wolf, has for advice is a brooding wolf named Derek who doesn't know his ass from his elbow.  In this week's episode, Derek is shot with a mysterious bullet by wolf hunters while in pursuit of the alpha wolf, weakening him.  Before nearly passing out in the school parking lot, Derek is cornered by Jackson (played by Colton Haynes), who is convinced that he and Scott must be on steroids.  The combination of all the dudes in the cast and the testosterone reference certainly isn't altering my perception of the show so far ("It's so gay, but it's so good").  Meanwhile, Scott has his own problems to deal with as he and his crush Allison have a study date coming up.  Can he prevent himself from transforming as she puts the moves on him?  Will Scott and Derek find the alpha wolf and clear the suspicions leveled against them?

Jackson knows something is not right with Derek.

MTV's Teen Wolf Cast Bios: Tyler Posey

Tyler is being called "the next Taylor Lautner".  Taylor may have something to say about that

Tyler Garcia Posey is Parker Posey's bangable son, nephew, or cousin.  Alright, I have to take a step back since most of you probably have no idea who Parker Posey is, but basically she was an actress who was in a bunch of low budget, funny movies in the nineties (google her).  Tyler is the star of MTV's new hit series Teen Wolf, playing the role of Scott McCall, a high schooler transformed into the confident star of the school's lacrosse team, merely by getting bit by a werewolf during a midnight romp with his BFF Stiles in the forest.  That sort of sounds like the beginning to a film on LOGO, but, in fact, Scott has a huge crush on Allison, whose father (naturally) happens to be a werewolf hunter hot on the trail of whomever is responsible for the recent string of deaths in their Northern California town.  So who is Tyler Posey?

Tyler and his BFF Stiles are so into girls, its not even funny

Tyler was born in Santa Monica, California on October 18, 1991.  He currently lives in Santa Clarita with his family, which consists of his parents and his two brothers, Jesse and Derek.  He graduated from Hart High School in Santa Clarita, rather than being home-schooled like many other actors.  In spite of his youth, Tyler already has numerous acting gigs in both television and film under his belt.  He has had roles in Collateral Damage, Into the West, Smallville, and Lincoln Heights.  As I am writing this, I am shocked to discover that Tyler played Jennifer Lopez's adorable son in Maid in Manhattan, which, although not the greatest movie ever, at least was memorable.  Wow, he's all grown up.  Tyler apparently is being groomed to be "the next Taylor Lautner", which is rather amusing since Taylor is alive and well and very capable of stealing roles from "the next Taylor Lautner".  As one would expect from a Southern California actor, Taylor has his own band, called Lost in Kostko, and enjoys music, singing, appearing shirtless, and skateboarding.  You'll have to pick up an issue of Tiger Beat to find out what else Tyler likes because that's all I got.  Since Teen Wolf seems to be doing much better than MTV's last foray into drama (namely, the disaster that was Skins), we may be seeing more of Tyler on the small screen as the series continues to shoot.

This is Tyler, aged 10, starring alongside J. Lo and Ralph Fiennes in Maid in Manhattan