Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries To Broadcast Wedding On Television

The word on the street is Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are in negotiations with Ryan Seacrest's production company (which works with most of the Kardashian-related television shows) to air their wedding on television.  Presumably this manufactured wedding would be broadcast on E!.  We might even get to see the birth of Kim's perfect children on E! as well.  Is it wrong that I actually want to see this wedding, if for nothing else to see how (or if) Kim's dress is able to minimize her two time zone ass?

Can we see the wedding NIGHT on TV, too?

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Hit The Stores In Beverly Hills

With wedding bells on the horizon, it was only natural that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries would go shopping for ties and jewelry and such... and tip the paparazzi where precisely they were going.  Just another day in LA - LA land.

Against all better judgment, I'm beginning to warm up to this pair

Kim Kardashian Sues Over Cheating Rumors With Patriots' Bret Lockett

And the Kim Kardashian news is back!  It has been revealed today that future Mrs. Kris Humphries (AKA Kim Kardashian AKA The Lady With the Beautiful Armenian Badonk-a-donk) is suing In Touch Weekly over a news story they ran alleging that she cheated on fiance Kris Humphries with New England Patriots safety Bret Lockett.  Kim resorted to twitter to defend herself (as everyone does these days) and claims that she has never dated (in fact, has never even met) the swift-footed NFL star.  Honestly, I wouldn't put it above Kim's camp to start this rumor themselves, to build interest in her future wedding, but if she actually goes through with this lawsuit that might put that suspicion to rest.  In any event, even if this story isn't true, I sincerely hope that Mr. Humphries realizes the caliber of woman he's dealing with.  When dealing with gals that have been around the block as many times as Kim, a man has to be careful!

Kim's tweet is "setting the record straight"

Brett Lockett is on the right

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Sign Pre-Nuptual Agreement

Is it any wonder?  No.  For one thing, Kim is worth more than Kris, as she brought in over $9 million USD last year, while Kris brought in $3.2 as a forward for the New Jersey Nets.  Kim also has her stores and (according to TMZ) Kris's family owns several restaurants in Minnesota.  The main reason why this is not surprising is because Kim is only in this relationship to get Kris's sperm and Kris is just trying to get his face in the paper.  Once these ends are achieved, they will no longer have any use for another.  Yes, that's crude, but it's called keepin' it real.

Kim could have made it easy for herself if she simply instructed Kris to make a deposit at the sperm bank.

Ponies and Pumpkin Carriages: What Else Could It Be But Kim Kardashian's Engagement Party?

You probably already knew this, but Kim works fast.  She's fast and easy.  Only a week after her engagement to New Jersey Nets' Kris Humphries was announced, Kim has already had an engagement party thrown in Beverly Hills.  The theme appears to have been "Disney Princess", because the party featured a cake with Cinderella's castle and carriage on the surface, and there were also ponies in attendance.  Every Armenian princess needs dreamy-eyed ponies at her engagement party.    Of course, Kim continues to show off her $2 million USD 20.5 carat blood diamond engagement ring.  Honestly, I doubt that Kim or Kris were "with it" enough to make sure that they did not purchase a conflict diamond, but a man can hope.  The reality is, if you are young and beautiful in L.A., why should you give two you-no-whats about people getting their limbs chopped off in a foreign country so that you can have a ginormous blood diamond on your ring finger?

Kim Kardashian Shows Off 20.5 Carat Engagement Ring, Kris Humphries All Smiles

Well, it looks like Kim Kardashian has finally managed to snag the baller she was looking for, New Jersey Nets' own power forward Kris Humphries, and she has the engagement ring to prove it.  Kim and Kris were all smiles in Monaco yesterday as Kim was given yet another opportunity to show off her 20.5 carat engagement ring.  For those of you that know little about diamond rings (myself included), 20+ carats of diamonds is flat out huge and the ring is said to have set the couple back an estimated $2 million USD.  According to ESPN, Kris Humphries is making $3.2 million this year, not including bonuses, and has one year left on his contract.  Two million dollars represents a huge dent in his salary, but since Kim made about $9 million USD last year, she was probably the one to put down the hard currency for the rock.  I still don't know what to make of Humphries at this point.  He can't be stupid enough to think that marrying Kim is a good idea.  At this stage Reggie Bush is looking like he's got a better head on his shoulders than Kris, because he jumped ship as soon as he found an open porthole.  Kris has to be a fame whore.  Either that or he just can't seem to escape those darned vagina tentacles Kim has rapped around his neck.  It has to be one of the two!  (via Daily Mail)

Alan Davidson/Picture Library

Getty Images

Getty Images

It's Official: Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Engaged

In case you were suspicious that the whole thing was a trick (released by Kim's camp): Nope, Kris "put a ring on it" already.  Kim might already be knocked up with beautiful babies.  (via People)

It looks like Maria Shriver is tormented by this engagement like the rest of us.  Look at the contempt in her face!

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries Engaged

It looks like Kim has finally snagged the baller she was looking for.  It has been announced this morning that celebritard Kim Kardashian is engaged to the New Jersey Nets's Kris Humphries, after several months of dating.  The news comes as no surprise as Kim made it clear during the first several weeks of dating Kris that she was interested in making babies with him, apparently showing friends and Twitter followers Kris's baby pictures so that all could see how attractive their children would be.  Frankly, however, I thought that Kris might be shacking up with Kim in order to get his name into the news and figured that he would be smart enough to jump ship once his celebrity star rose high enough.  It looks like I was wrong.  Why, Kris, why?  Didn't you read my letter warning you to beware of Kim's vagina tentacles?

Kim's holding on to that big ass ring finger for dear life